Should I stay or Should I go?

 Well for those who come here right now for updates about my adventures in the Yukon, Let me catch you up a little... I love it here, as far as cities go This one's alright,. I have a beautiful view from my window at the mountains, and if I stay up late enough I can often watch the Northern Lights dance around from the comfort of my own room. For the record I'm not often up late enough and when I make an effort to be awake I seem to get there too early or too late and just see pictures of them from everyone else... but I've definitely caught them a few times. 

I will say though the city is getting to me, so far this winter I've had a bullet come through our wall from our neighbors house, I crashed my car when someone pulled in front of me... again... a few blocks from where I work someone was brutally stabbed to death as part of a gang initiation.

After I crashed my car I drove a friends farm truck through the city every day to work, its really been a rough month or 2 honestly... and the worst part is I had great plans to tour the Territory before I leave in May, but now I've got no car it sure makes that difficult to leave my neighborhood... The worst part is, moments... literally moments... before poor Jasmine met her doom I prayed for a sign of whether I should stay or go. But how do you interpret a sign that either says "hey, now your stranded and need to be here longer to actually visit this place," or "you need to go home it isn't safe." 

On one hand I feel like a failure if I go home, on the other my only commitment was a winter in the North. I've got job offers already in BC. I've got friends excited to let me move my bus onto their property up here. I guess I need to make a decision soon... It's beautiful up here guys, but sometimes I think my heart truly belongs in BC... 

Speak and I will teach you what to say.

 I think the reason I have such a hard time with this blog is I don't feel like I have anything worth saying... I've been thinking about writing for so long, I get distracted with ideas of writing a book, but at the end of the day I tell myself over and over... but who wants to listen? It's already been said... 

Well today is a beautiful Sabbath Day, the sun is shining the dogs are barking and I'm sick at home trying to think of all the things I could be doing, the things I should be doing... but here I am trying to make my voice heard. Not because anyone actually reads this. Because that's not why we speak... We speak because we have things to say. 

Ex. 4:10-12 says
"Please Lord," Moses replied, "I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since You have spoken to Your servant, for I am slow of speech and tongue." and the Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Or who makes the mute or the deaf, the sighted or the blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will help you as you speak, and I will teach you what to say." 

Honestly when I started typing this I had the first sentence in mind, the rest has come as I typed... Sometimes it feels like God asks us to speak, and we simply tell Him, "no thanks, I don't speak I have nothing to say." but if we simply do what He asks of us He gives us those words to speak. 

Why do we make so many excuses? I'm not good enough, I'm too busy, etc. 
Throughout History we've been given examples of where God asked something and when they obeyed they were blessed. 
Moses was asked to speak to Pharaoh, he spoke and God set a nation free. 
The widow was asked to feed Elijah with her last meal and she never ran out of food.

Sure God could give us all the details, but I think that's His way of exercising our faith & imagination.

Working at a Toy Store this winter has reminded me just how much of a child's life exists in the imagination. We sell so many Fairy's & Unicorns, Dragon's and Superheros... We tell children they can grow up to be anything they want to be the sky is the limit. 

But as we grow up we have to learn to live in the tangible. Find careers that Pay the bills, not spark the imagination. Listen to wiser adults who have cracked the code to a happy life. Imagination has no room in the adult world. Say goodbye to God because if we can't see something it's just a fairytale like everything else. 

But what if we exercised our imagination, allowed ourselves to continue believing in the impossible. That someday we could explore the universe, that we could live forever, that the God of everything would care enough to speak with us directly. What an amazing life we could live if we simply answered God when He called. Let him make impossible things happen. When we truly gave our broken lives to Him and let Him turn us into the superhero's He created us to be. 

We never know the adventure He wants us to live, and He will never tell us what to expect. But a life with Him by your side is never boring, it never follows the path of the predictable, but it is always better than you could imagine. 

Perfect Winter Days...

 Happy Birthday to me! 

Spent yesterday on a grand adventure exploring the world. Unfortunately it was very overcast so definitely could have been a more useful adventure, but oh my goodness how is Winter soooo beautiful?!?! Who needs to see sky when the world is so decorated with frost and seriously... it was such a beautiful day and I saw the sun only once, and it was so far away I barely got a zoomed in picture close enough to make a picture show it... 

Can I just say, we have an amazing God who puts so much love into His creations... Some say there will be no snow in heaven... there was no snow or winter before The Flood... snow is a result of sin there is no place for it in a perfect world.... and you know that may be true, but I can't believe that there is no place for snow in a perfect world. I can't believe there will be no snow in heaven... it's too incredibly beautiful. 

My enneagram type is #1... and apparently that makes me obsessed with goodness & perfection... And someday I hope I can find a better balance of what exactly that means... but something I've learned along the way is that sometimes perfection comes from imperfection. God made a "perfect" world for us to live in... Heaven was "perfect" before Satan rebelled... but in the end disaster still fell... and if something was truly that perfect, nothing could go wrong. But here's the thing... Even in the midst of perfection, when everything was good and created exactly as it should be. There was always a possibility that something would go wrong. That something could fall apart. But the perfection in Heaven comes from everyone making the choice to do the right thing. Making the choice to be the best they can be. From pursuing love & justice & mercy... at all cost. Perfection isn't about being flawless, it's about choosing to live above flaws. 

When winter comes it covers this world with purity and beauty.... assuming we don't just shovel it all away, it lifts us closer to heaven, it lets us see the world through a new lens... see the snow undisturbed, to get a glimpse of what perfection might look like. our sins covered with love & mercy, our hearts cleansed through justice... Living a life that illuminates the love of God in our lives. Choosing first to live a life that Glorifies God above man... 

Christmas

 Merry Christmas!

Well my next post has been on the to-do list for a few months, but lets be real we all knew it wasn't going to last when I said it's going to last. 

For anyone who's looking back though I guess I'll catch you up on the past few months... after my last blog post I spent a month driving through BC & Alberta to catch a few friends and family before making my way North. Finally arrived in Whitehorse and everything seemed to fall into place, drove in Thursday night, spent Friday & Saturday with some lovely church members, by Sunday I moved into a house, by Tuesday I had a job, and by Wednesday I started work. 

I think it's taken me so long to post because this blog is supposed to be my safe place to be vulnerable and speak in public about what's going on in my life... my last post I said goodbye to a really great group of people, I spent 6 months being vulnerable with people who had my back. 

Today it's been Christmas, I had the whole day to just relax and enjoy my time with Bailey. Don't worry I had lots of invites, but after working the Christmas season at a Toy store all I wanted to do was stay in my PJs and go for a walk down to the river. I got Merry Christmas' from all over North America, and it's been a really great day. 

I guess the one thing I feel like I've lost right now is my relationship with the 1 person that means everything to me. I think all that vulnerability earlier in the year made it really hard for me to be vulnerable with Jesus... I lost my classmates, I lost support systems... maybe part of me is afraid of losing Him to... which at the end of the day is Crazy... He's been my best friend since Day 1. You can read stories on this blog about all the times He's reminded me that there is nothing I can do or say that will make Him walk away... and yet... I still walk away and shut him out. 

Today's been a really really great day. But it's also been kind of tough... I stayed up way too late so my overthinking brain is working over time without enough sleep. But I've been missing my best friend. Realizing this season while we remember the gift of His birth on this Earth... I need to return to the manger, return to His side... 

Fear not, For I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

The Life of a Bat

 Well, here's blog post #2. I feel like I'm saying a lot of goodbyes these days, but Goodbye for today, is simply a see you later. I've never been one for goodbyes, only until next time. 

I had the opportunity to take a course for my Life Coach Certificate. I think in the process of becoming better equipped and certified to coach others I received some much needed coaching. I was supposed to start a full time course in June, but ended up joining the part time course in April. Both would finish at the same time, but somehow spreading it out sounded like a much smarter plan. I'm so glad I grabbed a seat in this class, my classmates have been amazing. At a time when I got stuck in my head, for those who love the MBTI stuck in my Ni-Fi loop, A group of strangers from... well all over the world came together to support, and nurture each other. I got to be part of such a beautiful family of students who stepped in as coaches, not just because they were in a class... but because it's their passion. 

Tonight we said goodbye... but only for class time. We're still keeping in touch on whatsapp, email, facebook, websites. 

During one of my sessions my classmate had me pick a card and I ended up with the Bat card. They've definitely never been high on my radar as an animal to pay attention to. Although now that I think of it, shortly after I got the Bat wisdom I had a bat fly through my bus... I guess I should start paying better attention to it. I do have a bookmark I collected along my journey with Advice from a Bat 

Trust in your senses

Spend time just hanging around with friends

Get a grip

Enjoy the nightlife

Sometimes you've just gotta wing it!

Guano happens!

Some how the randomness of choosing a card definitely gave a fresh perspective to ending this chapter. Through the coaching course I've been reminded that I really can trust my senses, I'm pretty smart, and incredibly awesome. 

One thing I was reminded today though, this coaching experience really helped me remember what it's like to be human. To have a safe space to be vulnerable, and to have someone at your side cheering you on. I know the past few years we've all been in a pandemic, and it's been hard on so many people. I for one discovered a new level of anxiety that I never knew I had. The drama that the past several years has created has left a nightmare of social eggshells to walk through and clean up. Friendships have been jeopardized through differing beliefs, or change in priorities. At the end of the day, Guano happens! 

I'm pretty sure my blog tonight is a bit scattered and maybe difficult to follow. I was going to give myself a couple days to marinate on our class celebration and really plan this out. Unfortunately, sometimes you've just gotta wing it, and I knew that if I didn't just start typing I'd never sleep with all the thoughts going through my head. So consider this more of a brain dump then some well written note about something I really want to share. Then again, that's me, sometimes chaotic and wordy, often just trying to sort out this crazy world we live in. 

At the beginning of the year I made the same prayer I often pray for. Friends. Just someone to help me get things back on track and someone I can count on. He didn't answer the way He usually does, someone new shows up and I've got someone fun to chat with. Instead I guess He realized all I needed was a group of people with the same view of service and reaching the hearts of people and empowering those people to be the best version of themselves they can be. In the process I think I've become empowered to be a really great version of who I am. My classmates think I'm awesome, my teacher says I'm exquisite, and I've made some really great friends in the class that I plan to continue being in contact with for awhile. 

In the end, the life of the bat isn't defined by what it does in the daylight, it's defined what it does when the sun goes down. During the darkest times it comes alive. When the day ends, the bat wakes up. The bat becomes defined as one time ends, and another time begins.

This class has been a beautiful reminder to me, that I'm saying goodbye to a chapter in my life. And I'm beginning a new one.  I'm moving North, to follow my childhood dreams. I'm starting a new career as a life coach. So far I've got 1 paying client, so I guess that makes me official. I'm saying see ya later to a lot of friends and family. Full disclosure, it's a terrifying time, there's so much that I can fail at. But I've got this thing on my computer now that reminds me "Maybe it won't work out, but maybe seeing if it does will be the best adventure ever." Tonight, I guess it's time for me to get a grip, and go enjoy the nightlife. Which I hear there will be lots of in the Yukon since the winter doesn't get much sun. 😉

Tumble Weeds

 It's been a long while since I typed anything up last, and to be honest I thought about just starting a new blog. Trouble is at the end of the day my style and my theme hasn't changed and I'm just another life that you may be choosing to follow and listen to and so I've decided to just pick up where I left off. 

There's been lots going on in the past 5 or so years, this year I realized I've been crossing my bucket list off and I've got 1 thing left. I made plans to check that off several years ago, but plans were derailed and instead it was time to be patient. Though about checking it off in the spring but didn't think it was going to be able to pull it off so I decided I'd take the summer to wrap things up here and to get my bus packed & moved. Now I'm excited to say I'm moving to the Yukon within the month! Still lots to sort out, but I'm wrapping up my Life Coach Certificate on Monday, I'm doing some final see-ya-later's and I'll be on my way to the North. The final task on my bucket list. I guess it's time to start working on a new one.... 

Now what does a journey to the North have to do with Tumble Weeds? Well let me tell you. 

This weekend I had the opportunity to join one of my Pathfinder clubs at their Pathfinder Sabbath. As they often do, they share the origin & meaning behind their club name. This time it got me thinking back to my pathfinder days when we held a meeting specifically to change our club name. The old Mariposa is a great name, but we had a club full of boys & tom boys who just couldn't get excited about being named after a flower... So we all sat down and tried to come up with a cool new name to present our new club as. In the end we came up with Tumble Weeds committed to going wherever God blows us. It wasn't until recently I realized how strongly that motto had become engrained in me. 

When I committed to teaching it was because I prayed God would send me my next adventure... Teaching is not my calling... but Teaching is definitely where He called me to go at that time. 

We were singing "I'll go where you want me to go Dear Lord..." in church one day, and I hate singing songs without truly meaning the words, and so I said a special prayer letting him know I really meant it... well He decided I needed to change seats in the middle of church and go sit with a stranger. I don't know if the stranger needed someone to sit with that day, but I know it was humbling to remember God doesn't always ask us to go to the ends of the earth for Him, sometimes He just wants us to sit with someone new. 

Well it seems it's time to go North. I've been praying to go for years, anyone who knows me I'm sure can believe that or even confirm that. but until now I know it hasn't been the time. I don't know what adventure awaits. People keep asking what's up North. All I've got to tell them is "finishing up my childhood bucket list." maybe God's letting me go because He's tired of hearing me complain about the heat, or maybe He knows I just need to get it out of my system so I'll start praying for something new. Whatever His reason for finally lining things up for me, I know He's got a plan and it's going to be a great adventure. Because God works all things together for good. And I pray that my life can be as simple as a Tumble Weed, willing to go wherever God leads me. 

My testimony

The truth is, my testimony has no begining, and I don't believe it will have an end.
I can tell you of my family history and how it's because of them that I was born into a multi-generational SDA home with two incredible parents who lives God's love in everything they do.
I can tell you of His protection through a life-threatening birth with the help of skilled and knowledgeable doctors.
I can tell you the first time I knew God cared about my life, in even the smallest details by helping a 5-yr old girl find her play-doh lid so it wouldn't dry out.
I can tell you of an 11yr old girl who cried at the thought that someone could question her sincerity in baptism to the God of the universe. Question her commitment to her best friend in the world.
I could tell you of my College semester when He promised to neveret me go.
I can tell you of the day I realized that following Him without shame was as simple as deciding to do it.
I can tell you of the day I learned how real the battle with the devil can be and how a support team and prayer can chase away demons...
I could tell you of the time I came home after hours of tears and in pure exhaustion told God "If you want me to listen to my roommate's problems.. You're literally going to have to do it through me, Here's my body, do what you will... With my ears and mouth"
But the truth is, I've learned the true miracle isn't in the big things. It's in the every day decision to grow closer to Christ. To not stay dormant living a religious lifestyle... But to make it an important part of your life to always keep moving forward. Whether life is throwing you backwards or whether it's leaving you  alone to wander off on your own... God simply asks that we follow Him forward, and He gives us the strength to keep going.

Isaiah 40:31
Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall SOAR with wings as Eagles. They shall run and not grow weary they shall walk, and not Faint.