Ok... so I've been gone for a while... but at least for tonight... I'm back... Alot has happened in the past year, So here's a quick rundown since.... February....

February: Realized I really did like my best friend and I could no longer deny it...
March: Started dating my best friend. :)
April: Boyfriend had to go home for summer :(
May: Summer Classes... Survival - Lived in a stick shelter with a jug of water and a knife for 3 days... Navigation - Hiked around a mountain twice trying to find our pick up spot.
June: Practicum
July: Scotland!!!! (Purely vacational. :) )
August: Work and hanging out with my best (female) friend
September: Boyfriend came back :) School starts
October: School... Relationship... Terminated... :(
November: School...

And here I sit after another night deep in thought trying to make sense of my life... Well here's what I've come to the conclusion of...
Dating advice - Dating your best friend... best decision of your life. Definitely sucks if it doesn't work out... But so worth it while it lasts...

Dating my best friend definitely had it's downfalls... hard to get over all those beautiful girls he's been interested in for years... hard not to feel at least a bit jealous. even if your so much more awesome and so much better for him and you both know it. ;)
Ups... Easy to talk to someone you've been talking to for years already, Comfortable??? Totally, you've been so close so long it almost seems like nothings changed... only gotten better...
Downs... When it's over... He can no longer be your best friend... You gotta let go...

Reasons we broke up...
Honestly... I don't know... I've got a million theories about that but hey, he dumped me and I'm just a little bitter so whatever the reasons in my mind... they're going to be kinda skewed at this point...

Spiritual life before dating...
Pretty good
Spiritual life while dating...
Getting easier, and harder... I guess probably just different, Feels better when you've got someone who believes what you believe, helps keep you accountable and encourages you to live the way you know you should be living... But sometimes I guess harder to remember to go to God first not the boyfriend... But it was so nice to remember not to just ask for help but to be so incredibly thankful for everything in my life, boyfriend obviously, but friends, family, school, life, finance, everything...
Spiritual life after dating...
Honestly... foggy, my professor had us pic a picture from a bunch of them around the room to describe how we felt our relationship with God was... my picture was on a river, there was a small piece of land on the left side of the page with the sun shining down, in the distance behind the fog was some mountains, but it was hard to see anything beyond the small sliver of river at the bottom and the land with the sun on the left because there was so much fog... thats the picture I chose... but more on that in a bit...

Future before dating...
Set for 10 years... Pretty crazy, not living in the same place more than a couple years, but I had a plan and I was going to work to get there. It was going to be lonely and I kinda just wanted to settle down... but life's short and there's no time to settle down when things have to be done. Thats where God's leading me, but it's not completely the next 10 yrs I'd like to see, but it's pretty cool and it's going to be a wild ride and with God, it'll be awesome so bring it on!
Future while dating...
Wow... totally not going to be the next 10 yrs I was expecting... Is it really God's plan??? So many amazing options, all very similar but so many variations. I have someone to go with me, someone that has all the skills I lack, someone who's skills I can compliment, was definitely worried that I deviated from God's plan. after all, I was so incredibly sure that my last 10 yr plan was God's plan. but this new one sounds just as amazing, gets me the same goal, lets me do the same things I want to do. and frankly... Helps me get to where I'm going easier, with more organization, and in ways that I can do more than I'd ever imagined possible...
Future after dating...
I guess back to original 10 yr plan... Alone, Hectic, Crazy... Amazing??? If that's God's plan, definitely... But am I as excited now??? Nope... and truthfully... refer back to "Spiritual life after dating" for how I feel about the plan now... the future is nothing but a big lonely fog...

So I guess your probably wondering my point... Well I guess here's my point... For anyone reading this who really wants to know what I'm thinking... and for anyone who feels completely confused about their future and the rest of their life... Let me go back to that picture of the fog...

Scenario 1
The River... Life...
The Mountains... The Final Destination
The Fog... My future
The Land... My position
The Sun... God's presence.
K, so when I first saw the picture... I was like yeah, thats the one... but I didn't want to pick a dark gloomy one so I went around and looked at all the pictures... yeah, thats the only one that stuck with me... I feel like the fog has rolled in and I've got no clue about how to get through life to the future... I feel alone, I feel deserted on an island... But the great thing is... Though I can't physically give him a hug or talk to him and get a loud audible reply... God's shining his warmth into my life regardless... I may feel lost and alone... But I know He's there and He's ready to keep me company through this journey I'm on... I know He's got a plan and I'm content to just wait out the fog and see what the future holds...

Scenario 2
The River... Life
The Mountains... The Final Destination
The Fog... My Future
The Land... My starting position
The Sun... Hope & Peace
Ok... so your probably thinking... sounds pretty much the same... well here's where I throw something new into the mix... When I picked that picture... I found out that picture was taking just a month ago... It was taken on the canoeing field trip... Funny thing is... everyone else in my class was on the trip, but not me... So now for the rest of the scenario
Canoe... My Path
Person in the front... Me
Steering from the back... God
Definitely a bit different eh??? So I've been thinking a lot lately... and here's my conclusion.. When I was dating... My boyfriend was in the front of that canoe, but instead of a fog, there was endless opportunities, the sun was shining, God was steering from the back, and I was in the middle ready for any adventure we experienced, ready to do what I could to help, or to simply cheer them on... But now... he's jumped out of the boat, He's decided we're on different journey's and left God steering from the back, and me in the front... the sun has disappeared behind the fog, and instead of endless opportunities... well I guess there's just a fog that God's going to have to take us through cause I can't see my way out... It's nice to have his company, but after having a full canoe... it's feeling a little empty... All I can do is keep paddling, keep trying to do my part to get us through the fog, and realize that whether or not I have someone to help us out... God doesn't need someone else to help us out, and if He wants someone else back in there... He'll make sure he finds his way... Yes, I wish I could get the same canoe partner... maybe God just needed to send us on a detour and we'll find each other again on the other side of the fog... but I'm not going to wait for it, cause maybe it's not just a detour maybe our paths just got to cross for a few months... so right now... I'm just going to keep paddling... God knows where we're going, He knows whats beyond the fog. And I know that anything He's got up his sleeve is going to be amazing.

Lord, Thank you... 
Thank you for the opportunity to have an amazing few months, full of people who have changed my life, people who have helped me get closer to being the person I want me to be, and people who I believe have helped me become more of the person you want me to be. 
Thank you for being in the back of my canoe always, no questions asked... 
Thank you for shining your light, your warmth, and your comfort to the core of my soul so that when people ask if I'm ok... I can look at them and say honestly yes... not with pure joy, but with confusion as to how on earth you have kept me from being a complete wreck...
Thank you... For having an amazing plan around every corner. 
Thank you... That even though it comes with bumps and turns... You're helping me grow to be a better person, a better christian, and closer to the person you want me to be... 
Thank you... 
From the bottom of my broken and bruised heart... 
Thank you... 
Kimmy <3