Thats right, Christmas is over, Boxing Week sales are coming to an end, everyone is looking back at their past year, and looking forward to the next. What's your New Years Resolution this year???
Truth be told... I have absolutely no idea what my resolution was last year... o.O I even went back on this blog, (and ok I only skimmed it because I didn't want it to change my thought for tonight,) but I can't even find what I resolved to do on that... in fact I basically said I'm not making a resolution... Shows you how important resolutions are eh???
Well I was looking at a resolution I had made a few years back...
"New Years Resolution"
- Trusting Him to heal my brokenness"
I have another note next to that one from the same year around Christmas time... which basically says "Lord, Thanks. You made it happen"
It's cool finding little things like that... notes that you can go back and comment on... notes that you've made notes on... Notes that show your journey...
I guess at this time of year it's hard to not look back at the past year... think back on memories both good and bad... try to decide if your year was a success... a failure... look back on mistakes to find out what you've learned, Look back on the journey to see how far you've come.
The cold hard truth... For me, this year was definitely closer to the failure side then the success... I look back on all my bigger choices I've made in the past 365 days and the majority of them were simply the wrong choice. I've made mistakes that I can't find good life lessons from, I lost touch with my best friend. I've burnt bridges that won't ever be rebuilt, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. But here's the lesson's that I've managed to learn.
Sometimes, people make mistakes. And sometimes, those mistakes are simply mistakes. Sometimes all you can do is let go and let God.
I've always been a firm believer that mistakes don't exist... Anytime you mess up, it helps get you one step closer to where you need to be. There's always something you learned, there's always something that can be used to make you a better person. But you know... Sometimes mistakes just happen. There's no lesson to be learned. There's no becoming a better version of you. There's just mistakes that you learn not to do again.
God is Love, and He loves you soooooo sooooo much....
Guys... I honestly Can't stress this enough... I wish I had posted my conversation I had with someone a month or so ago... I mentioned earlier I lost touch with my best friend... well I guess touch isn't a great word... communication would be much better if we're being technical. This whole year just felt like such a failed year.... I did practicum which felt like I was wasting my time and theirs, I got myself into a relationship and lost 2 really good friends because I was stupid enough to believe in it, I wasted 2 months trying to be true to my word while no one else was true to theirs, got banned from entering a country, well by the end of the summer I just felt like such a failure I had absolutely no right to be talking to God, I'd made a mess of everything, and I didn't know what to believe in anymore... I guess part of it was that I felt like I had no right to talk to Him, the rest I just didn't know what to say... But you know the one thing I can look back and remember the most... aside from all the Star Trek I binge watched... was knowing that while I was drowning my failures in Star Trek... God was holding me tight just waiting till I could figure out what to say... I mentioned finding that note that showed my 2013 journey... that was the day I stopped thinking I must have lost God cause I hadn't talked to Him for so long.. it was earlier that day where I realized Him and I hadn't grown apart... because if there's one thing I've learned this year... Love is a Verb
It's something that I'd heard often... It's something that I knew... but it wasn't something that I understood... I've learned it really is just as easy to fall out of love with someone, as it is to fall in love with them. Falling in love is fun, so people just do it... all the time... cause it's exciting... Once the excitement is over it's time to move on, after all, there's plenty of fish in the sea and you can always fall in love with someone... The hard part is staying in love with someone... But the truth is, God Is Love, thats the cold hard truth guys... God can't help but fall in love with you every single minute of every single day... Way back in October 2002, I made a decision... I got baptized. On that day I vowed to love God till death do us part. For Better or for Worse... We're in this one together... And this year while I thought I had lost Him... I realized He had made the same decision... I guess the difference was that He made the decision with His death so that we would never part. Because no matter what I do, no matter how I fail... He's always there right in the middle of the mistakes. He's there when I turn on Netflix to watch Star Trek because I don't know what to say to Him... He's there on the couch with His arms around me while I eat popcorn while Q wreaks havoc with Picard, or Sisko... Repeating promise after promise... patiently waiting for me to find the words to say... Because God loves... Unconditionally, Unceasingly. Always & Forever, No If's ands or Buts. He said it, and by golly you know He meant every word...
I guess on that note... It's time for me to get some sleep...
My New Years Resolution...
To seek Perfection.
I know I know... Kimmy you're not perfect, you don't have to be perfect, Even you make mistakes, and your allowed to make everyone... But you know what guys... This world isn't my home... and if I live by the rules of my neighbors house... how will that reflect upon my own household? My personal motto starts... "As an Ambassador of the Kingdom of Heaven..." I think it's about time I live up to that standard that I set for myself... I know I'll still make mistakes... It happens, but thats why I'm seeking perfection... heaven knows I have a long ways to go. But the Bible says Job was perfect, so it can't be impossible... besides... If the world doesn't end soon, and I don't die sooner... Maybe I can just walk there with God like Enoch.
No comments:
Post a Comment