Hey Guys... so Post #2 of the day... no I don't plan to make a million posts a day... in fact there'll probably be many days, probably months... where I post nothing... but I guess today seems to be a day that I've got alot of thoughts and I thought I'd share some... cause I'm not the only one that struggles...

So last summer there was alot going on in my life... well kind of my life... (I guess one thing you should understand, I have a hard time leaving people to their own business... I mean I don't want to tell them what to do, thats not my job and I need to let them make their own decisions... that doesn't mean I don't hate to see people make the wrong decision... it just means that rather then try to convince them they are wrong, I will sit back... pout about it, and pray with all my heart that things will work out and the only pain will be my own worry... Sometimes thats the way it is, sometimes not...) So continuing with my story... I had friends in relationships that I disagreed with, I had friends that I thought needed desperately to grow up, I had friends that I recently found out got dumped from a relationship that I hated from the beginning, she was raped and although I was glad to see it end, it pained me to see her in so much pain, and I was also dealing with a failed relationship and blaming myself, being confused, and dealing with Pandora's Box named Emotion... I've never been an emotional person and suddenly I had discovered I had them, it was new and I felt very lost...

During our Staff meeting I crumbled. I cried as I've done only a handful of times in my life, and I couldn't stop... I sat next to a friend that new most of what was going on, and I cried on her shoulder for at least an hour I'm sure with only a moment or 2 of peace in between bursts of waterfalls... Needless to say everyone around saw me cry uncontrollably and as none had ever seen me even shed a tear before... they had to ask my friend what was wrong... The truth of the matter is... the only thing wrong, was that I felt helpless, in a world of Heart Ache, Pain, Rape, Drugs, Alcohol, Death,, there was nothing I could do. And so I cried.

When the meeting was over and I was finally able to leave I bolted for the door as fast as I could... I went for a walk, and big surprise... I cried some more... when I finally calmed down enough that I was pretty sure every water droplet in my body was either being useful, or was already cried out I headed for the bathroom... met up with a few girls who gave me hugs, told me I was beautiful, that they hoped I was ok, and that a few of my other close friends were worried about me and wanted to see me before everyone hit the hay. I went to see them, when they saw me and ran up to me they wanted to know if I was ok. And within this conversation... I got some of the best words of wisdom I think I've ever recieved in my life... "Don't worry... It's ok to cry..." "No it's not, I don't cry, crying is for the weak..." "Crying isn't just for the weak... Jesus Wept to." "But he didn't cry that hard." "Jesus WEPT" "But not in public...???" "He Wept on a Mountain in front of a crowd..."

Let me tell you... that was a summer... a Year... of me crying, trying to figure out how to be more Vulcan and control my emotions... But whenever I feel the need to cry and start scolding myself for being so weak... the thought pops into my head... "Jesus Wept" and He's the strongest man I could ever hope to know.

So for those of you like me... Crying may make you feel weak. But it's not. It's a cleanser... It cleans you out so you have more room to fill your soul with Joy, with Jesus, and with Hope that someday, this will all be nothing more than a Dream. No matter what is going on in your life, be it something as simple as gossip, or as extreme as rape... There's nothing God doesn't have control of. We may not be Superman or Supergirl... But God is a billion times better than Superman. So if you want to be Supergirl and stay strong... maybe you just need to let yourself cry. Let your insides be cleaned out. Let God move in. And Let him through you at the Enemy with all his power and might.