So this is what happens when I can't sleep and even Emmet Cahill isn't singing me to sleep... Kimmy thinks enough to remember, hey, I've got a blog to waste my time on ;)

So it's been bothering me for awhile, and perhaps I already blogged about it. But I feel useless... like, I've got a job, I go to school, I've got friends to talk to, friends that talk to me.... But honestly, none of them really need me... ok, yeah there's a couple that have no one else to talk to... but seriously, what am I doing for them??? Nothing, everyone in my "circle" feels left out, there's really no one thats been left in, and I suppose I could put more effort into bringing them all together, but whats the point??? I've given up caring just enough to let them all have their own lives and if they want me around they can ask... But when we do get together... what's it like??? talk about movies, talk about school, talk about each others relationships, flings and break ups... There's gotta be more to life than that. I feel like life has become nothing more than media and bringing people together. What happened to philosophy??? What happened to the depth of life??? I feel like I lack purpose, I feel shallow in every aspect of my life.

I hope there aren't too many people that are in my position... and yet, I hope there are. Because I think the world could be a better place if we talked about what we believed in. Values, Morals, Biblical thoughts and encouragements. And hey, I'm guilty, I don't know what to talk about anymore. And when I run out of things, I can pretty much guarantee some good conversation over the latest Hobbit Movie, or Episode of the Big Bang Theory... but why can't we be able to guarantee depth of conversation with those around us???

So here's one of my many adventures at work. I could totally do a whole blog on work alone, good times I tell ya...
I Just had the best phone call at work today... I picked up the phone and a kid answered... well he didn't know why he called us so he gave the phone to mom.. who was in the shower and didn't know they were ordering anything... so the kid went to the garage to find dad who was going to order something.... well "we just got to the garage yeehaw!!! Oh dads not here, maybe hes downstairs, or no the cars gone he must have left to pick up the pizza. My dad should be there soon." Haha I don't think the next customer waiting to pick up his pizza saw the humor... but that could have been the dad... so maybe he will find the story funy when he gets home... gotta love kids.. I'm still Dieing!!! LOL!!!

Anyone else have 1 of those friends that you can talk to about anything??? They can tell you your being ridiculous. Apologize for what they're going to say cause they know you won't like it, but they know they need to say it anyways??? One of those friends you can go without talking to for months, but as soon as you or they say hi it's like you never stopped talking??? One of those friends thats less like a friend, but more like family... Thats broken every rule you've ever known when it comes to friendships??? When everyone else was fake, they were real. When everyone else left, they stayed??? When the friendships you've had before seemed temporary and shallow, and then all of a sudden one becomes family, one thats going to be there, and going to be real.

Guys, think about the friends you've had over the years... How many were fake??? How many Temporary??? How many though fake or temporary left lasting impressions on you that you're going to live with happy thoughts for the rest of your life??? I want to give you all a challenge... Go message someone right now. Talk to an old friend that you simply haven't talked to for awhile. Who knows, you might just have an awkward conversation about how life is, or maybe a good conversation that leaves you wanting a few more... or maybe, it could be the beginning of a new kind of friendship, Family...

Ok. I didn't say this before. But I'm going to now... so, friday was a fantastic day!!!

Now... I'm not a morning person, but I decided my final @7:45am was a better idea then having 2 finals next tuesday when I know one of them is going to take all morning... well that meant I had to get an assignment done before then, study, and I had another assignment due by noon the next day... The choices... stay up late and get it all done, do the test @7:45 and go to bed when I was done... or, stay up late, have a few hours of sleep wake up for my test @7:45 and do the assignment after and before 12... well I aimed for choice #1... stay up all night... well unfortunately I'm not so great at such a thing. so I went to bed 3am to get up for my test by 7:45am... only got half the stuff studied, got up in the morning... and hated life. It was one of those mornings you just want to be left alone and no one gets hurt... well I have a roommate that likes mornings, and she likes hugs and knowing how you are. Love her I do... but that early in the morning... not my favourite person to be around...

Got ready in about 10 minutes, ran out the door got to the room with my test, I was a couple minutes early so I looked over my notes, and went to do my test. Well I was the only one doing it so the supervisor decided we'd head up to a different building and a different room where the temperature was above freezing. So there we trudged talking and laughing all the way there. This teacher was in a band with me so we had alot to talk about with our up coming concert.

We got to the new room where I discovered I was now doing my test with a friend doing his test. I finished the exam with lots of time to spare. Realized I had forgotten to bring the assignment with me for the class so I told the teacher I'd bring it over ASAP.

Got outside heading home to print and bring back the assignment. walked outside and now that I was awake and at peace with having just finished my final. I looked around at the trees and sky... sun was just up over the horizon, hoar frost was beautifully set upon the trees. The day was absolutely beautiful.

I got back to my apartment, emailed myself the assignment, put it on a flash drive and decided since he was going to be there for awhile I decided to make myself breakfast and went to hand in the assignment.

Worked on my other assignment for a bit, played pool with a friend, went back and finished the assignment. I got to have lunch with a great group of my girl friends. then I had band practice. We sounded fantastic and the concert was the next evening.

Things were great. :) And I praise God things went so well. the rest of the week hadn't been so great. But Friday was just exceptional.

So continues my obsession of the evening... I was looking up animal totems one day with my roommate a few years ago. My favourite animal being the Mountain Lion I decided I wanted to look it up. Well here's a picture I edited with what it's strengths are. I understand now why I love them so much. 

Have a goodnight everyone :)

Ok. nothing deep or tragic or plain boring today... Here's a picture I just really wanted to share ;)

Thanks to the Websites that I got these from. I don't remember who you are, but if you look up Puma you can find some fantastic pictures. Including these ones ;)

Ever have one of those days where you wake up and wonder... What am I doing with my life??? Like, here's my life these days... (ok, I suppose if you've been keeping up with my blogs you'll know... so I'll keep it short.) I go to classes, (though they are now done!!! :) just have finals then I get to go home for Christmas) I eat, I sleep, I see a few friends here and there, I watch TV, I watch movies, I work, I spend money on school, on my jeep, on food. But in all that... what good am I doing with my life??? If Christ came here today... what would I tell him... Hey, sorry I missed ya I didn't get out of bed till 12... yeah thats about what I'd have to tell him... I keep coming up with great plans for what I could do to make things more productive in my life. More purposeful in my life, but something always comes up. I always forget, or I always loose focus. Well here I sit late one night (early one morning if you want to be technical) finishing up an assignment (well currently being distracted ;) ) Thinking about how I have completely wasted my semester. Guys, I need your prayers. Cause I have no reason to be... But I'm struggling, and I've gotten comfortable with it... 

How many of us get stuck in the past??? Well I can say I'm probably one of the worst when it comes to moving on with my life. I look at where I am now... and all I can remember is who I used to be. and at this moment... who I am sucks... I'm lazy, unmotivated, holding grudges, upset at the world, can't go for a walk without getting into mental arguments with everyone, not interested in anything productive. if you've read some of my other blogs... You'll notice there's some things I really enjoy. Being outside, having fun, being with friends. Those are things I love to do. But these days... I'd almost rather sit on my couch feeling sorry for myself. I have classes evenings or work evenings... so by the time everyone else is free I'm busy... but does that mean I couldn't try to make time??? I have nothing to do in the mornings, so does that mean I can't work on my hobbies or go for a walk??? instead... my life, is more of a stay up all night watching movies and sleep in all day, do my homework the night before it's due just before I finish off the night with another episode of Star Trek...
The thing is. I know what I need to do. I've got a list of goals for each week that I want to do. It's a simple list. started out as 3 push ups, 2 sit ups, 1 devotion, and 1 email to a family member. I know to some of you. that may sound ridiculous. but think about it. whats 1 thing you want to do. something that you know will help you grow mentally, physically, spiritually??? the problem with many goals, we start so big. for ex. most people would say, in 1 week I want to do 20 pushups. great plan. much more likely to do you good than 3 push ups right??? Well for me. I really want to exercise more. it's something I feel is important and will help me grow. however, if I have to look at the week and do say 5 push ups a day every day... it's not going to happen. as much as I wish I had the discipline... I don't. so when I fail to do 20 pushups a week... well then I'm going to get discouraged and soon I'll be doing no push ups... so if I start with 3... well I can do 1 a day if I want. or do all in 1 day if I feel motivated... when I've gotten to the point where I'm succeeding in my goal, maybe I can add a couple. in my case, I doubled my pushups... 6 a week... Unfortunately... I was feeling pretty good... then I doubled the pushups and... well... I slacked off and forgot about it... and maybe thats part of the reason I'm beating myself up about things... again, I started goals, and they were going so well... but lately I've been getting lots of words and messages that are telling me to start reading my bible... well devotions was on my list remember... well I haven't done that one once... I know better, but I'm so busy feeling sorry for myself and what I've become, what used to be. and I think it's become my addiction. you know how some get addicted to drugs... well my addiction is self pity and laziness... however, it's one of those things I need to just smarten up and do. I know that. but I don't feel like it. Trouble with the world today... we live on feelings... God gave us brains for a reason... and yet we won't use it...
Anyways, for those of you also struggling with an addiction, or with a choice that you know the right answer to... Good luck. Pray for me peeeps... I need it... mostly I think I need a wake up call... but I also think God knows I'm waiting for it and knows it's not necessary...