How many of us get stuck in the past??? Well I can say I'm probably one of the worst when it comes to moving on with my life. I look at where I am now... and all I can remember is who I used to be. and at this moment... who I am sucks... I'm lazy, unmotivated, holding grudges, upset at the world, can't go for a walk without getting into mental arguments with everyone, not interested in anything productive. if you've read some of my other blogs... You'll notice there's some things I really enjoy. Being outside, having fun, being with friends. Those are things I love to do. But these days... I'd almost rather sit on my couch feeling sorry for myself. I have classes evenings or work evenings... so by the time everyone else is free I'm busy... but does that mean I couldn't try to make time??? I have nothing to do in the mornings, so does that mean I can't work on my hobbies or go for a walk??? instead... my life, is more of a stay up all night watching movies and sleep in all day, do my homework the night before it's due just before I finish off the night with another episode of Star Trek...
The thing is. I know what I need to do. I've got a list of goals for each week that I want to do. It's a simple list. started out as 3 push ups, 2 sit ups, 1 devotion, and 1 email to a family member. I know to some of you. that may sound ridiculous. but think about it. whats 1 thing you want to do. something that you know will help you grow mentally, physically, spiritually??? the problem with many goals, we start so big. for ex. most people would say, in 1 week I want to do 20 pushups. great plan. much more likely to do you good than 3 push ups right??? Well for me. I really want to exercise more. it's something I feel is important and will help me grow. however, if I have to look at the week and do say 5 push ups a day every day... it's not going to happen. as much as I wish I had the discipline... I don't. so when I fail to do 20 pushups a week... well then I'm going to get discouraged and soon I'll be doing no push ups... so if I start with 3... well I can do 1 a day if I want. or do all in 1 day if I feel motivated... when I've gotten to the point where I'm succeeding in my goal, maybe I can add a couple. in my case, I doubled my pushups... 6 a week... Unfortunately... I was feeling pretty good... then I doubled the pushups and... well... I slacked off and forgot about it... and maybe thats part of the reason I'm beating myself up about things... again, I started goals, and they were going so well... but lately I've been getting lots of words and messages that are telling me to start reading my bible... well devotions was on my list remember... well I haven't done that one once... I know better, but I'm so busy feeling sorry for myself and what I've become, what used to be. and I think it's become my addiction. you know how some get addicted to drugs... well my addiction is self pity and laziness... however, it's one of those things I need to just smarten up and do. I know that. but I don't feel like it. Trouble with the world today... we live on feelings... God gave us brains for a reason... and yet we won't use it...
Anyways, for those of you also struggling with an addiction, or with a choice that you know the right answer to... Good luck. Pray for me peeeps... I need it... mostly I think I need a wake up call... but I also think God knows I'm waiting for it and knows it's not necessary...