Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Labels... Boxes... We've all got them... We've all been put in a box, We've all put others in a box... But really... What does it accomplish??? Why do we do it???
Lately... I've been squished into so many tiny boxes I feel claustrophobic and stuck. What are my boxes??? Disney, Princess, Purple, Music, Fun-loving, Perfect, Lazy, Crazy, Unmotivated, Outgoing, Shy, Quiet, Talkative, disorganized, childish, serious, busy... The list could go on... And how do I feel about it??? I have no idea... but so far... I feel stuck, I feel claustrophobic, I feel like I can never be what I want to be... because I have to be what I've become...
Now are boxes all bad??? No! I would definitely say they aren't. I've been placed in boxes with labels such as "goody-goody," "fun-loving" "responsible" "carefree" "music" and honestly... some of those labels have kept me going... being labeled a goody-goody I was faced with much less peer pressure then others simply because everyone assumed my answer would be no and I didn't have to face the decision myself. Rock on! Sure it made me feel like an outsider at times, but people still knew I had boundaries and didn't bother pushing them. Being labeled care-free... People admire you, they want to know your secret, it helps you live up to what you've been labeled, to remember to let it go, not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Music??? Helps remind me there's something special that God gave me. Sure there's people better then me at music, and there always will be. But God didn't give me the talent to perform music, He gave it to be such an important part of my life that my life become's a song of worship, to let my worship burst forth and to bless those around me. And when at times I forget... it's nice to have someone remind me of the label's that God's given to me...
But what about the other ones... Right now... honestly, my biggest pet peeve is purple and disney... it seems like thats all my life will ever amount to. Because no matter what happens... Everyone will be assuming my label is concrete, that all my colour choices will result in purple. That I will forever be a disney princess, that spoiling me, will bring me great joy in life... But guys... it's killing me... Every time I hear the words Kimmy and purple together... I cringe... Every time I am told about the newest disney movie or a funny new meme... I die a little inside... We put these labels on people... We stick them in a box and we don't... let... it... go...
Ok, now here's where I make a confession... I don't know how to change it... It stresses me out, it bothers me, it kills me... But what am I doing about it??? Nothing... Why??? Cause I don't know how... Why do we put labels on people??? Sometimes because we admire them and put them in a box on a pedestal... Sometimes because they are so blatant about their love for something... Sometimes, because we emphasize whats important to them... Sometimes, it's simply because we've been doing it so long, we've grown up being taught to put people in boxes, they've been passed on from generation to generation and it's simply the way we are. But what does it accomplish??? Sometimes... it encourages someone to live up to the person they once were... Other times... it encourages the strong to break out of the boxes and the labels and create new labels and boxes, to encourage one to look deep inside and determine what is important to them and how do they really want to be perceived. Sometimes it simply encourages us to pay attention to the boxes people will put us in... But in general??? I've seen it destroy so many people... Convince them they are what they are and there's nothing they can do about it. I've struggled myself time and time again arguing with myself, that it doesn't matter what others say or what boxes I'm put in, I can get out. Whether they choose to keep looking through the box to someday realize I am gone... or whether they choose to accept that the box is not where I live, it is simply another piece of furniture in my house, thats their deal... But time and time again people try to shove me back into that box... and time and time again I listen, I let them push me back because it's simply easier to sit quietly in a box then to fight over and over again for people to see past the box.
Are you guys stuck in the boxes to??? Do you find yourself pushed between boxes??? Maybe pushed one box inside of another??? Like me do you choose to remain in the box because it's simply easier, or because you don't know how to get out??? Have you accepted your life for what it is and refuse to change it??? Maybe you've been in the box so long you forget the world is fresh outside, you've brought pillows and cookies into the box and frankly... whats the point in getting out??? Well guys here's the deal... I think I've posted this song before... but I'm going to post it again... Because I think it's so important to be able to choose the boxes we live in... This has been one of my favourite songs for as long as I can remember... But it's also super discouraging... Not exactly about labels... But how will you be remembered??? Will you be remembered for your boxes??? Or will you be remembered for jumping out of the box and being yourself outside of the boxes???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9e_JF7FgzA
"I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moths and rust, thieves and such
Will soon enough destroy"
Are the boxes we choose to live in simply boxes that will be destroyed and destroy us??? Do they uplift us or bring us down??? Guy's we've got a God that doesn't believe in boxes... He takes fishermen, and makes them preachers, He brings sinners, and makes them saints... Do we live in boxes set for us by man??? Or do we take it to the next level and see people for the boxes they break out of and the life they begin to live??? Do we encourage people to break out of the boxes we put them in... Or do we tell them to forget the boxes and live the life God has given us??? There's a fantastic children's story called You are special about a puppet named Punchinello, Who's been given label after label... the Wemmicks give good labels, and they give bad labels... But one day Punchinello meets the woodcarver that tells him that he is special not because of a label, but because the Woodcarver created Him, and loves him. The story ends with neither the good labels nor the bad labels sticking to Punchinello because He wasn't worried about labels, but he was worried about living the life given to him instead. Sure the good ones are nice and can bring people up... But they only reach so far... Their still a box... I wish to live my life outside the box. To say I am special not because of a label, but because of the one that breaks the boxes.
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy...
A legacy of God's love and mercy, of His goodness and His story. Not my own miserable life of boxes and labels. A life outside the box, a life that when I start to get comfortable God takes my box and turns it inside out and throws it away.
Lately... I've been squished into so many tiny boxes I feel claustrophobic and stuck. What are my boxes??? Disney, Princess, Purple, Music, Fun-loving, Perfect, Lazy, Crazy, Unmotivated, Outgoing, Shy, Quiet, Talkative, disorganized, childish, serious, busy... The list could go on... And how do I feel about it??? I have no idea... but so far... I feel stuck, I feel claustrophobic, I feel like I can never be what I want to be... because I have to be what I've become...
Now are boxes all bad??? No! I would definitely say they aren't. I've been placed in boxes with labels such as "goody-goody," "fun-loving" "responsible" "carefree" "music" and honestly... some of those labels have kept me going... being labeled a goody-goody I was faced with much less peer pressure then others simply because everyone assumed my answer would be no and I didn't have to face the decision myself. Rock on! Sure it made me feel like an outsider at times, but people still knew I had boundaries and didn't bother pushing them. Being labeled care-free... People admire you, they want to know your secret, it helps you live up to what you've been labeled, to remember to let it go, not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Music??? Helps remind me there's something special that God gave me. Sure there's people better then me at music, and there always will be. But God didn't give me the talent to perform music, He gave it to be such an important part of my life that my life become's a song of worship, to let my worship burst forth and to bless those around me. And when at times I forget... it's nice to have someone remind me of the label's that God's given to me...
But what about the other ones... Right now... honestly, my biggest pet peeve is purple and disney... it seems like thats all my life will ever amount to. Because no matter what happens... Everyone will be assuming my label is concrete, that all my colour choices will result in purple. That I will forever be a disney princess, that spoiling me, will bring me great joy in life... But guys... it's killing me... Every time I hear the words Kimmy and purple together... I cringe... Every time I am told about the newest disney movie or a funny new meme... I die a little inside... We put these labels on people... We stick them in a box and we don't... let... it... go...
Ok, now here's where I make a confession... I don't know how to change it... It stresses me out, it bothers me, it kills me... But what am I doing about it??? Nothing... Why??? Cause I don't know how... Why do we put labels on people??? Sometimes because we admire them and put them in a box on a pedestal... Sometimes because they are so blatant about their love for something... Sometimes, because we emphasize whats important to them... Sometimes, it's simply because we've been doing it so long, we've grown up being taught to put people in boxes, they've been passed on from generation to generation and it's simply the way we are. But what does it accomplish??? Sometimes... it encourages someone to live up to the person they once were... Other times... it encourages the strong to break out of the boxes and the labels and create new labels and boxes, to encourage one to look deep inside and determine what is important to them and how do they really want to be perceived. Sometimes it simply encourages us to pay attention to the boxes people will put us in... But in general??? I've seen it destroy so many people... Convince them they are what they are and there's nothing they can do about it. I've struggled myself time and time again arguing with myself, that it doesn't matter what others say or what boxes I'm put in, I can get out. Whether they choose to keep looking through the box to someday realize I am gone... or whether they choose to accept that the box is not where I live, it is simply another piece of furniture in my house, thats their deal... But time and time again people try to shove me back into that box... and time and time again I listen, I let them push me back because it's simply easier to sit quietly in a box then to fight over and over again for people to see past the box.
Are you guys stuck in the boxes to??? Do you find yourself pushed between boxes??? Maybe pushed one box inside of another??? Like me do you choose to remain in the box because it's simply easier, or because you don't know how to get out??? Have you accepted your life for what it is and refuse to change it??? Maybe you've been in the box so long you forget the world is fresh outside, you've brought pillows and cookies into the box and frankly... whats the point in getting out??? Well guys here's the deal... I think I've posted this song before... but I'm going to post it again... Because I think it's so important to be able to choose the boxes we live in... This has been one of my favourite songs for as long as I can remember... But it's also super discouraging... Not exactly about labels... But how will you be remembered??? Will you be remembered for your boxes??? Or will you be remembered for jumping out of the box and being yourself outside of the boxes???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9e_JF7FgzA
"I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moths and rust, thieves and such
Will soon enough destroy"
Are the boxes we choose to live in simply boxes that will be destroyed and destroy us??? Do they uplift us or bring us down??? Guy's we've got a God that doesn't believe in boxes... He takes fishermen, and makes them preachers, He brings sinners, and makes them saints... Do we live in boxes set for us by man??? Or do we take it to the next level and see people for the boxes they break out of and the life they begin to live??? Do we encourage people to break out of the boxes we put them in... Or do we tell them to forget the boxes and live the life God has given us??? There's a fantastic children's story called You are special about a puppet named Punchinello, Who's been given label after label... the Wemmicks give good labels, and they give bad labels... But one day Punchinello meets the woodcarver that tells him that he is special not because of a label, but because the Woodcarver created Him, and loves him. The story ends with neither the good labels nor the bad labels sticking to Punchinello because He wasn't worried about labels, but he was worried about living the life given to him instead. Sure the good ones are nice and can bring people up... But they only reach so far... Their still a box... I wish to live my life outside the box. To say I am special not because of a label, but because of the one that breaks the boxes.
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy...
A legacy of God's love and mercy, of His goodness and His story. Not my own miserable life of boxes and labels. A life outside the box, a life that when I start to get comfortable God takes my box and turns it inside out and throws it away.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
GOD IS GOOD!!!
Its WISE week here. Week In Spiritual Emphasis. And after my lest couple blogs I bet you can agree it couldn't have come at a better time. Its our student lead WISE, theme is... "Their story, Your story, My story, His story." Truth is every testimony comes back to His story doesn't it.... Its all about God leading and being active in people's lives. Stories from Jonah and a trip to the dentist, to Moses and a bus driver showing the way to Jesus. I have truly been blessed folks. But tonight....
Tonight's service started with Balloons... now for some of you, please don't judge as I continue... song service, we blew up balloons and joined the leader up front, poor guy is having a hard time finding leaders and being the middle of a long week he wanted Balloons and invited us to have a "praise pit" our rendition of a mosh pit... some might say we are getting a little sketch with a "praise pit" in the church... but to see the faces of believers coming together in celebration of the creator of the universe... guys it was amazing. Blessing #1 the faces of Gods people in worship and celebration. Amen...
Then a beautiful song about giving our lives to follow... I will Go. I will give up my life and I will go. Blessing #2 complete surrender Praise God...
And the sermon goes.... John 15: .... I am the vine, and you are the branches... but those who do not produce fruit will be cut off and burned... great... encouraging... if we aren't producing fruit that's it, we are cut off... guess I better produce fruit... but do we have a master-servant perspective??? I better keep the commandments and please God. If I don't I lose my master's favour... or do we have a friendship with God??? One that says. There shall be no other God before Me. Great!!! Hallelujah I have a God that loves me more than anyone else could ever imagine. Why should I let something come between me and my Saviour??? Remember the Sabbath day and keep it Holy... a whole day??? YES!!! A whole day to relax! A day to spend with Christ. 24 hrs to get to know our saviour better. He asks for 24 hrs away from the usual to show what He can do with time. To show us who He is. How Awesome is that!!! Blessing #3 God is looking for a friendship with us because through His blood He cleansed us. How can we possibly want to do anything but obey Him for the rest of our life???
Blessing #4 God... He is, He was. And He is coming... How awesome!!! How incredibly exciting!!!
And hey, as I type this... I am again reminded that God wants His love and Wonder proclaimed to the world... our internet hasn't been working for at least a few hours... but as I come to a close... guess what started working. :) Blessing #5... God will make His word known to all... God Bless!!!
Goodnight friends.
Its WISE week here. Week In Spiritual Emphasis. And after my lest couple blogs I bet you can agree it couldn't have come at a better time. Its our student lead WISE, theme is... "Their story, Your story, My story, His story." Truth is every testimony comes back to His story doesn't it.... Its all about God leading and being active in people's lives. Stories from Jonah and a trip to the dentist, to Moses and a bus driver showing the way to Jesus. I have truly been blessed folks. But tonight....
Tonight's service started with Balloons... now for some of you, please don't judge as I continue... song service, we blew up balloons and joined the leader up front, poor guy is having a hard time finding leaders and being the middle of a long week he wanted Balloons and invited us to have a "praise pit" our rendition of a mosh pit... some might say we are getting a little sketch with a "praise pit" in the church... but to see the faces of believers coming together in celebration of the creator of the universe... guys it was amazing. Blessing #1 the faces of Gods people in worship and celebration. Amen...
Then a beautiful song about giving our lives to follow... I will Go. I will give up my life and I will go. Blessing #2 complete surrender Praise God...
And the sermon goes.... John 15: .... I am the vine, and you are the branches... but those who do not produce fruit will be cut off and burned... great... encouraging... if we aren't producing fruit that's it, we are cut off... guess I better produce fruit... but do we have a master-servant perspective??? I better keep the commandments and please God. If I don't I lose my master's favour... or do we have a friendship with God??? One that says. There shall be no other God before Me. Great!!! Hallelujah I have a God that loves me more than anyone else could ever imagine. Why should I let something come between me and my Saviour??? Remember the Sabbath day and keep it Holy... a whole day??? YES!!! A whole day to relax! A day to spend with Christ. 24 hrs to get to know our saviour better. He asks for 24 hrs away from the usual to show what He can do with time. To show us who He is. How Awesome is that!!! Blessing #3 God is looking for a friendship with us because through His blood He cleansed us. How can we possibly want to do anything but obey Him for the rest of our life???
Blessing #4 God... He is, He was. And He is coming... How awesome!!! How incredibly exciting!!!
And hey, as I type this... I am again reminded that God wants His love and Wonder proclaimed to the world... our internet hasn't been working for at least a few hours... but as I come to a close... guess what started working. :) Blessing #5... God will make His word known to all... God Bless!!!
Goodnight friends.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Today has been a pretty good day. (So I'll warn you now... This is going to be a long post!!!) Actually, this has been a
pretty good week. Now let me tell you a bit about my week… So… my last post on
Saturday night, I told you about my new relationship right??? Well here’s a bit
of an update… Sunday, I woke up so gung ho about the whole thing that I had a
mission, because I knew I was going to fail super quick. (Give me 1 day my
motivation is gone, my memory of the commitment is gone, and I’ll end up making
myself feel like an even bigger failure simply because I’m human and I’m weak
and I’m still working on getting my priorities in order.) Anyways, I decided I
wanted something to take with me, something that I could wear or have on me at
all times to remind me of my commitment. Well, the only thing I could think of
was a necklace. My last relationship I had a necklace, and it meant a lot. I
don’t wear jewelry often but my bf had a good argument. “it’s not jewelry it’s
a symbol of my feelings for you.” Haha k, so not a great argument, but I went
with it. Doing long distance it was nice to have a reminder that he was still
close. Well I didn’t know if I wanted Jewelry and when people asked about it to
tell them it’s from my boyfriend. “O.o umm… ok???” Weirdo… Also being an SDA
jewelry isn’t exactly the first gift you’d think God would give someone… it
suddenly becomes an excuse to wear jewelry and that’s not what I’m looking for…
But I prayed about it a lot… “God, you know what I’m looking for.” Truth is, I
really did want an excuse to wear a pretty snowflake or something, but I didn’t
want to admit it… Anyways, stores in town were closed… go figure… So I took a
trip to the city 20 min away. I needed some adventure and a break from studying
anyways, so I took the morning just me and God and my mission. Well as I drove,
I prayed some more… “Ok, so I’ve got $10, I want you to find something perfect,
something completely me and it’s going to be from you. And I’ll know when it’s
the right thing because it’ll be perfect and under $10 ok???” “Really Kimmy???”
“Yup, it’s just you and me God and I need a reminder of that, cause once this
week starts you know I’m going to slack off eh???” “Do you trust me???” “Of
course I do.” “Are you sure??? Why is this necklace so important to you??? You
know people are going to ask about it. What are you going to tell them Kimmy???”
“Umm… I’m going to tell them it’s from you…” “Will you really???” “Ok… it is
going to sound pretty dumb isn’t it… Ok, and honestly… your right… a necklace
probably isn’t the best option is it… Hmmm… I think it’s important to me
because I want an excuse… And why not???
A necklace is a good symbol isn’t it… and it’s not something I’m going
to forget about super easy, it’s kind of there, around my neck… Ok ok… What
other things can I get… Any ideas???” “Trust me…” “Ok, I’m going to walk around
and I’ll look… Let me know what the plan is k???”
Well I walked around the mall… I couldn’t find anything, I
was starting to get a bit discouraged. Am I really doing the right thing??? Why
is God making this so hard??? "God whats the plan???" "Trust me" "Can you send one in the mail??? It'll be waiting for me when I get back??? Is that the plan???" "Trust me" What could be His plan??? Hmm… a pencil. I could get a pencil. Pencil’s are
what every man should propose with anyways right??? Haha good times… But
seriously. Diamonds are made from
Carbon, which at one time is what pencils were made of… (long story guys, if
you don’t get it… we had a long talk about this on my birthday one year…) I
should get a pencil. But I don’t use pencils… I guess I could get a pen… I know it's not made of lead so that argument is invalid... but it's going to be used and isn't that the point??? Something to remind me of my commitment, something that'll be with me always??? I went to staples, and I found a pen. Guess what... there was a beautiful silver and gold one... On sale... for $9.96 :) Exactly what I wanted. I was still feeling a little discouraged, but I knew I was on the right track. Blessing #1 ~ God gives us help and lets us know when we're on the right track... AMEN!!!
But the story doesn't end there... <3
Driving home I thought about it more... I realized the real reason I wanted a necklace... was because of my other one... Bad news guys... I lost it... Once he came back at the end of the summer I didn't need the necklace to remind me or anyone else that I was in a relationship, I had the real thing to remind me. So the necklace got set aside. At some point... I lost it... And I felt terrible!!! Here's a symbol of our relationship and I lose it... Gone... vanished... seriously do I not care at all??? "Ok... calm down Kimmy." Just because I misplaced it doesn't mean I don't care. In fact, the last time I had it before I realized it was missing 5 days later... I put it somewhere... "safe" when I went on a field trip. Came back and I have no idea where that "safe" place is... I didn't tell him for months... I finally told him and I felt like a jerk, but he said it was fine and dumped me shortly there after... ok, not the reason he dumped me. But here's the thing... It has been haunting me ever since I lost it... 4 months it's haunted me... Everytime I walk in my room where it should be... I think maybe this is the day I'll find it... well... since my relationship ended... it became, "maybe if I find the necklace it will still be a symbol, maybe losing the necklace was a symbol of the end... maybe if I find it the relationship can be restored..." "maybe I need to accept that they are both gone." "maybe" "what if" "Will I find it today??? Will he be back tomorrow???" It's been haunting me more and more each day... And each day I tell myself that it's just a necklace, it doesn't determine the future of your relationships. It's just a necklace. And it's gone. Well God helped me see that it wasn't just because of my commitment that I wanted a necklace. It wasn't just because I was wanting to use this as an excuse... I was obsessed with the other necklace and I needed something to help me let go of it. And maybe if I had a necklace from God it would take the place and help me let go of the past and move on with the future. But I don't need something to help me do that. I've got God and thats all that matters... Blessing #2 ~ God grants revelations <3
Got home, had a few things in my car from my past relationship, just ended up in there and kind of became part of the car. Well they're out. I brought the shells in and put them on my "history shelf" Letters got brought in for the purpose of burning them and getting them out of my head and out of my life. I put my new pen with my other pens... realized I still had past boyfriends pen. It's a really nice pen, there's a reason I stole it and didn't give it back. "Kimmy let it go. when this is over and your other pens run out you can use it again. for now, you've got my Pen you don't need another." "But God it's such a nice pen, one of those cheap ones that comes in a pack of 20, but writes so nicely." "Kimmy, stop making excuses..." "They're not excuses... it's just a nice pen.." "Kimmy... Do you trust me???" "Yeah... I think... Ok, your right... I'm doing this your way. It's gone." I put the pen on my "history shelf" Grabbed my lighter, put it in my coat pocket with the notes, first chance I get I"ll burn them. "Ok God, we're doing this your way. Cleaning out everything. Even if I don't feel its necessary your probably right. Well... your always right... but I probably do need to just take a break even if it seems pointless. and the necklace??? Can you just help me find it today... Today while I still remember it doesn't mean anything. Just so I can put it away and not worry about it???" "Trust me" "Ok, your right... it's gone and I don't care. Ok... I care a little bit... but I shouldn't care. Cause I'm trusting you." Blessing #3 ~ God cleanses
Well... Sunday ended, Monday went through, felt pretty miserable actually... Already my focus was school not God. Already my focus was unmotivated and tired. Already I'd fallen back into life and couldn't seem to remind myself of my new commitment. "God help me, I don't know what to do..." "You've got this Kimmy, Trust Me." "Whats the point???" "Trust Me." "Ok..." Well I tried... I tried so hard. But my motivation was just slacking, I just wasn't having a great day... I think it was a good day in general... but emotionally... I felt like a failure. I felt like I was letting myself down. And worse yet... I was letting God down... Tuesday was my birthday. I have some pretty great friends I will not lie. We met up at Subway, that was my big party lol college students for the win ;) they sang to me in the store... everyone was amused... then homework, work, you know the usual... And then I got to come home to cake!!! My roommate made me a fantastic chocolate cake with a special oreo filling... delicious!!! But oh so sweet... small pieces are good, but my piece was a big super sweet piece. Well I was already silently saying "Thanks God, I needed this, everythings going to be alright, I just need to take it one day at a time and not get discouraged when I'm having a hard time" "Kimmy do you trust me?" "Yeah, I think I do. :)" Well here's the grand finale for the night... My roommates had brought in the mail, and I had a letter!!! From a dear friend. She had sent me a Christmas present and it found it's way to me for my birthday. Just in time. I opened it up to a snoopy card that sings and dances, pretty spectacular. But the best part of all... There was a necklace. "Lord.... Thanks...." "Kimmy I love you." "I know you do..." "Kimmy I'm not giving you this gift because I think you need it, I'm not giving it to you because you need a replacement for the last one. I'm not giving this to you because now you have an excuse to wear it. Kimmy I'm giving this to you, because I want you to trust me. I want you to always remember who I made you to be. You see the pendant??? I know it doesn't have a snowflake like you asked for, it's got a treble clef... Because I made you to have music in your heart. I made you to be a blessing to others. I want you to remember forever that you need to trust me. I want you to remember your creator, I want you to remember that I made you special. And I love you very much. I want you to remember me. Kimmy... do you trust me???" ".... Yes..." Blessing #4 ~ God cares. You may think things are trivial, Things may truly be ridiculous. But God cares enough to answer even stupid requests when you trust Him. Blessing #5 ~ God's timing is always the best. Had I gotten the card a week earlier, It would have just been a gift from a friend. Even sunday or monday... I would have considered it a gift from God... But it would have been an answer to a selfish prayer... Guys by waiting until tuesday for that gift to show up on my table... God helped me see how ridiculous I was. He helped me say yes, I trust you. not because of what you give me. But because I know your way is the best. On tuesday. It wasn't an answer to prayer.... It was a gift to say "I love you."
Now I'll try to keep it brief. But today... I've been wearing the necklace. I burned the notes... Took me awhile but they're gone. Finished burning the last one while I was walking to my car after work... Finished cleaning everything out. This girl is moving on. Well I cried... all the way home I cried... So I stopped at the Outdoor Rink. One of my favourite spots and I haven't gotten to go for awhile, but my skates were in the back and nothing was stopping me... So I got out and skated for a few minutes in tears. I skated for a few minutes in prayer. I skated for a few minutes with Jesus. "Trust me" "I do..." Guys I had the best time on the ice tonight... So much so I couldn't wait to come back and blog about it... I started singing, Power of your love, Refiners fire. Change my heart oh God... All the good ones... But here's the one that stuck...
When I hear my favorite song
I know that we belong
You are the music in me
Yeah it's living in all of us
It's brought us here because
You are the music in me
For those of you that don't know it as well as I do, and can't place it after reading the lyrics... It's from Highschool Musical 2. "You are the Music In Me" Because I don't believe there's such a thing as religious music, and secular music. I believe there's church music and non-church music. This song has always been one of my favourite songs about God. He made me, Me puts the music in me. When I hear my favourite songs... I know that we belong. Because He is the music in Me. Guys if we aren't singing praises 24-7 there's something wrong. I thought about it today... I'm glad He didn't send a snowflake... Yes I love snowflakes, and they always make me smile... But how much better is a musical symbol to remind me that not only does He love me, but He puts a song in my heart. That I can trust Him to write my love songs, I can trust Him to remind me who I am. I can trust Him in everything. Blessing #6 ~ He is the reason we exist. He is the reason we are. He is our reason. We need no other.
Lord, Thanks <3
Saturday, January 11, 2014
So as of Saturday January 11, 2014 I have decided to enter into a new relationship. I've got a new boyfriend guys!!! And just wait, it gets better... I wrote Him a poem awhile back...
I got the best Man in the whole entire Universe!!! I dare you to try and find one better ;) So, for some of you that know me, I know your probably thinking, "uh oh, she's gone off the deep end again." I guess your probably right, I have a tendency to go from 1 extreme to the other sometimes. But Him and I had a good talk tonight. I guess it started with me venting, journaling, you know how that goes. You start writing and it just keeps getting deeper, pretty soon your not just saying I'm sorry I spilt the milk, soon your realizing you also left the fridge door open, the cheese is moldy and your crying over spilt milk, pretty soon you realize everything you thought was history, is ruining your present. Well I told Him I need a boyfriend, I asked Him if He knew any good ones, He said you've got me. I told Him yeah I know I've got you, I'm not alone, I've got my best friend on my side and everything. But I don't have someone to talk to about stuff that matters. Someone to challenge me. Someone to encourage me to be better. Someone to look forward to seeing and hearing from everyday. Someone to spend time with just the 2 of us doing something or just talking. Someone to work with. Someone to give me a hug when I'm having a rough day. You've got me. Ok, Ok, your right. I don't need someone, I've got you. The best friend a girl could ever ask for. But I can't really take you places, show you off, tell everyone that hey, I'm in a relationship with the coolest, bestest guy in the world. Why not??? Well cause it doesn't work that way. How does it not work that way??? I made that way!!! Really Kimmy??? I want to talk to you about everything. I want to tell you the truths about life. I want to challenge you to become better. To take my strengths and make them yours. To teach you, To love you. I want time with you. I want you to take me with you places. I want you to show me off. I want to be the one you come to for a hug at the end of the day. I want to be the one that solves all your problems, I want to be the one that wishes you a good morning. I want you to look forward to seeing me each day. I want to work with you. I want to be your partner. I want so much Kimmy. Can I be your coolest, bestest guy??? Well... How can you say no to that??? <3 How can you argue with that??? I told Him yes!!!
Ok, so now you think I'm crazy, that I don't understand. That I can't shut everyone out with the excuse that I'm in a relationship with God. But here's the deal we made. 1 year. For 1 year it's going to be Him and I. Every morning I get to wake up and read a message from Him. Every day I get to learn more about Him and how we can make a life together. For 1 year I'm going to make extra time so we can grow a relationship. For 1 year I'm going to trust him with all my heart. I'm going to talk to Him, He's going to challenge me to think deeper, to think clearer. We're a team. We're going to learn all we can, and grow so much. But it won't stop there. We've made this deal for 1 year, But I expect it to last a life time. With our arrangement we've got a bit of a funny relationship really... because here's the part that some of you are probably wondering about... Is Kimmy going crazy??? Is she saying she's going to be the crazy cat lady??? The Jesus Freak??? Well... yeah, I guess I'm kind of saying that. But remember I said, "I'm going to trust Him with all my heart"??? Well that means it's His. And honestly thats the way it should be. We should all give up all claims of freedom of our heart, our soul, and our mind. But if He has it, that means Kimmy doesn't say who gets in or out. That means if He wants to give it to someone and let someone else join our relationship, thats His choice. I'm asking Him to let me have 1 year to cultivate this relationship, to build it so strong that it will last forever. That we become so set in our ways that no one can destroy the relationship no matter how hard they try. But ultimately, I'm giving it to Him. No matter what I'm in a relationship with God. Not just a best friend relationship, we're moving into a serious marriage relationship. A partnership to get us through everything. A combination of missions. Whatever happens, I'm putting Him in charge. He holds my heart. And by His grace This will be the first of many best years of my life <3 <3 <3
Can't get Him off my mind.
He's all I think about...Every song I hear reminds me of Him...
He saved my life and I can never repay him...I'm in love and I don't know what to do....
♥ Jesus you are my Prince Charming ♥
He's all I think about...Every song I hear reminds me of Him...
He saved my life and I can never repay him...I'm in love and I don't know what to do....
♥ Jesus you are my Prince Charming ♥
I got the best Man in the whole entire Universe!!! I dare you to try and find one better ;) So, for some of you that know me, I know your probably thinking, "uh oh, she's gone off the deep end again." I guess your probably right, I have a tendency to go from 1 extreme to the other sometimes. But Him and I had a good talk tonight. I guess it started with me venting, journaling, you know how that goes. You start writing and it just keeps getting deeper, pretty soon your not just saying I'm sorry I spilt the milk, soon your realizing you also left the fridge door open, the cheese is moldy and your crying over spilt milk, pretty soon you realize everything you thought was history, is ruining your present. Well I told Him I need a boyfriend, I asked Him if He knew any good ones, He said you've got me. I told Him yeah I know I've got you, I'm not alone, I've got my best friend on my side and everything. But I don't have someone to talk to about stuff that matters. Someone to challenge me. Someone to encourage me to be better. Someone to look forward to seeing and hearing from everyday. Someone to spend time with just the 2 of us doing something or just talking. Someone to work with. Someone to give me a hug when I'm having a rough day. You've got me. Ok, Ok, your right. I don't need someone, I've got you. The best friend a girl could ever ask for. But I can't really take you places, show you off, tell everyone that hey, I'm in a relationship with the coolest, bestest guy in the world. Why not??? Well cause it doesn't work that way. How does it not work that way??? I made that way!!! Really Kimmy??? I want to talk to you about everything. I want to tell you the truths about life. I want to challenge you to become better. To take my strengths and make them yours. To teach you, To love you. I want time with you. I want you to take me with you places. I want you to show me off. I want to be the one you come to for a hug at the end of the day. I want to be the one that solves all your problems, I want to be the one that wishes you a good morning. I want you to look forward to seeing me each day. I want to work with you. I want to be your partner. I want so much Kimmy. Can I be your coolest, bestest guy??? Well... How can you say no to that??? <3 How can you argue with that??? I told Him yes!!!
Ok, so now you think I'm crazy, that I don't understand. That I can't shut everyone out with the excuse that I'm in a relationship with God. But here's the deal we made. 1 year. For 1 year it's going to be Him and I. Every morning I get to wake up and read a message from Him. Every day I get to learn more about Him and how we can make a life together. For 1 year I'm going to make extra time so we can grow a relationship. For 1 year I'm going to trust him with all my heart. I'm going to talk to Him, He's going to challenge me to think deeper, to think clearer. We're a team. We're going to learn all we can, and grow so much. But it won't stop there. We've made this deal for 1 year, But I expect it to last a life time. With our arrangement we've got a bit of a funny relationship really... because here's the part that some of you are probably wondering about... Is Kimmy going crazy??? Is she saying she's going to be the crazy cat lady??? The Jesus Freak??? Well... yeah, I guess I'm kind of saying that. But remember I said, "I'm going to trust Him with all my heart"??? Well that means it's His. And honestly thats the way it should be. We should all give up all claims of freedom of our heart, our soul, and our mind. But if He has it, that means Kimmy doesn't say who gets in or out. That means if He wants to give it to someone and let someone else join our relationship, thats His choice. I'm asking Him to let me have 1 year to cultivate this relationship, to build it so strong that it will last forever. That we become so set in our ways that no one can destroy the relationship no matter how hard they try. But ultimately, I'm giving it to Him. No matter what I'm in a relationship with God. Not just a best friend relationship, we're moving into a serious marriage relationship. A partnership to get us through everything. A combination of missions. Whatever happens, I'm putting Him in charge. He holds my heart. And by His grace This will be the first of many best years of my life <3 <3 <3
January 2014
A time of fresh starts and new beginnings.
A time for resolutions and better living.
A time to say hey, this is a new year, I don't have to stay where I'm at. I have the power to move forward.
We say it every year. But why don't we stick with it??? "This year I'm going to loose weight." "This year I'm going to keep the house clean." "This year I'm going to read the bible more." "This year..." "This year..." "This year... things are going to be different." We all say it. Even those skeptical and stubbornly-anti-new-years-resolution-folks, they say it to, they just won't admit it. We all have a desire to be better. We all desire to grow stronger in some way or another. None of us want to be the person that looks back on the past year and says "I am the same person I was last year." We all desire change. So why don't we change??? I think a better question to ask ourselves would be "Why do we change" What drives us to change??? Do you want to loose weight so you can look like you did way back when??? Do you want to read the Bible because it'll make you a better christian??? What is your motivation for change??? Though I'll never admit it beyond this blog, every year I've made resolutions. Even my days of being against resolutions, I've made them... But I never succeeded. Even my resolution to gain weight took about 3 years before progress was made. But why did they fail so consistently??? Why did my failures succeed in telling me that there was no point???
Personally, I think it's because we do it for the wrong reasons. We see the habits that are out there. We admire certain people because they have certain habits under control, and we say hey, This year I'm going to do this. But what we don't do is dedicate ourselves to growth. At some point we have a rough day and decide that relaxing is a priority, then the kids are having friends over so my habits can wait another day. For some, maybe they set their goals too high. They weren't realistic, they weren't practical. For others, maybe they weren't something that was important, maybe they are a quiet reserved person and their goal was to be more open. After a week of trying to step out of their comfort zone, they've realized they don't care. They are happy the way they are and their alone time is more important to them then going to watch a movie with people they may not even know well. Pretty soon all motivation is gone.
What if we stopped making goals that take miracles to achieve. What if we start making goals that are important to us. What if we focused less on what we are trying to achieve, and focus more on why we are attempting to achieve it. What if we line up our actions with our beliefs? What would happen, if rather than seeing an action and trying to believe in it, we instead took our beliefs, and based our actions upon that belief. Upon practicing what we preach. Upon giving up our hypocrisy and focusing on the reason for the season. New Years is about starting fresh and moving forward. In what way are you moving forward this year???
A time of fresh starts and new beginnings.
A time for resolutions and better living.
A time to say hey, this is a new year, I don't have to stay where I'm at. I have the power to move forward.
We say it every year. But why don't we stick with it??? "This year I'm going to loose weight." "This year I'm going to keep the house clean." "This year I'm going to read the bible more." "This year..." "This year..." "This year... things are going to be different." We all say it. Even those skeptical and stubbornly-anti-new-years-resolution-folks, they say it to, they just won't admit it. We all have a desire to be better. We all desire to grow stronger in some way or another. None of us want to be the person that looks back on the past year and says "I am the same person I was last year." We all desire change. So why don't we change??? I think a better question to ask ourselves would be "Why do we change" What drives us to change??? Do you want to loose weight so you can look like you did way back when??? Do you want to read the Bible because it'll make you a better christian??? What is your motivation for change??? Though I'll never admit it beyond this blog, every year I've made resolutions. Even my days of being against resolutions, I've made them... But I never succeeded. Even my resolution to gain weight took about 3 years before progress was made. But why did they fail so consistently??? Why did my failures succeed in telling me that there was no point???
Personally, I think it's because we do it for the wrong reasons. We see the habits that are out there. We admire certain people because they have certain habits under control, and we say hey, This year I'm going to do this. But what we don't do is dedicate ourselves to growth. At some point we have a rough day and decide that relaxing is a priority, then the kids are having friends over so my habits can wait another day. For some, maybe they set their goals too high. They weren't realistic, they weren't practical. For others, maybe they weren't something that was important, maybe they are a quiet reserved person and their goal was to be more open. After a week of trying to step out of their comfort zone, they've realized they don't care. They are happy the way they are and their alone time is more important to them then going to watch a movie with people they may not even know well. Pretty soon all motivation is gone.
What if we stopped making goals that take miracles to achieve. What if we start making goals that are important to us. What if we focused less on what we are trying to achieve, and focus more on why we are attempting to achieve it. What if we line up our actions with our beliefs? What would happen, if rather than seeing an action and trying to believe in it, we instead took our beliefs, and based our actions upon that belief. Upon practicing what we preach. Upon giving up our hypocrisy and focusing on the reason for the season. New Years is about starting fresh and moving forward. In what way are you moving forward this year???
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