Today has been a pretty good day. (So I'll warn you now... This is going to be a long post!!!) Actually, this has been a pretty good week. Now let me tell you a bit about my week… So… my last post on Saturday night, I told you about my new relationship right??? Well here’s a bit of an update… Sunday, I woke up so gung ho about the whole thing that I had a mission, because I knew I was going to fail super quick. (Give me 1 day my motivation is gone, my memory of the commitment is gone, and I’ll end up making myself feel like an even bigger failure simply because I’m human and I’m weak and I’m still working on getting my priorities in order.) Anyways, I decided I wanted something to take with me, something that I could wear or have on me at all times to remind me of my commitment. Well, the only thing I could think of was a necklace. My last relationship I had a necklace, and it meant a lot. I don’t wear jewelry often but my bf had a good argument. “it’s not jewelry it’s a symbol of my feelings for you.” Haha k, so not a great argument, but I went with it. Doing long distance it was nice to have a reminder that he was still close. Well I didn’t know if I wanted Jewelry and when people asked about it to tell them it’s from my boyfriend. “O.o umm… ok???” Weirdo… Also being an SDA jewelry isn’t exactly the first gift you’d think God would give someone… it suddenly becomes an excuse to wear jewelry and that’s not what I’m looking for… But I prayed about it a lot… “God, you know what I’m looking for.” Truth is, I really did want an excuse to wear a pretty snowflake or something, but I didn’t want to admit it… Anyways, stores in town were closed… go figure… So I took a trip to the city 20 min away. I needed some adventure and a break from studying anyways, so I took the morning just me and God and my mission. Well as I drove, I prayed some more… “Ok, so I’ve got $10, I want you to find something perfect, something completely me and it’s going to be from you. And I’ll know when it’s the right thing because it’ll be perfect and under $10 ok???” “Really Kimmy???” “Yup, it’s just you and me God and I need a reminder of that, cause once this week starts you know I’m going to slack off eh???” “Do you trust me???” “Of course I do.” “Are you sure??? Why is this necklace so important to you??? You know people are going to ask about it. What are you going to tell them Kimmy???” “Umm… I’m going to tell them it’s from you…” “Will you really???” “Ok… it is going to sound pretty dumb isn’t it… Ok, and honestly… your right… a necklace probably isn’t the best option is it… Hmmm… I think it’s important to me because I want an excuse… And why not???  A necklace is a good symbol isn’t it… and it’s not something I’m going to forget about super easy, it’s kind of there, around my neck… Ok ok… What other things can I get… Any ideas???” “Trust me…” “Ok, I’m going to walk around and I’ll look… Let me know what the plan is k???”

Well I walked around the mall… I couldn’t find anything, I was starting to get a bit discouraged. Am I really doing the right thing??? Why is God making this so hard??? "God whats the plan???" "Trust me" "Can you send one in the mail??? It'll be waiting for me when I get back??? Is that the plan???" "Trust me" What could be His plan???  Hmm… a pencil. I could get a pencil. Pencil’s are what every man should propose with anyways right??? Haha good times… But seriously.  Diamonds are made from Carbon, which at one time is what pencils were made of… (long story guys, if you don’t get it… we had a long talk about this on my birthday one year…) I should get a pencil. But I don’t use pencils… I guess I could get a pen… I know it's not made of lead so that argument is invalid... but it's going to be used and isn't that the point??? Something to remind me of my commitment, something that'll be with me always??? I went to staples, and I found a pen. Guess what... there was a beautiful silver and gold one... On sale... for $9.96 :) Exactly what I wanted. I was still feeling a little discouraged, but I knew I was on the right track. Blessing #1 ~ God gives us help and lets us know when we're on the right track... AMEN!!! 

But the story doesn't end there... <3 

Driving home I thought about it more... I realized the real reason I wanted a necklace... was because of my other one... Bad news guys... I lost it... Once he came back at the end of the summer I didn't need the necklace to remind me or anyone else that I was in a relationship, I had the real thing to remind me. So the necklace got set aside. At some point... I lost it... And I felt terrible!!! Here's a symbol of our relationship and I lose it... Gone... vanished... seriously do I not care at all??? "Ok... calm down Kimmy." Just because I misplaced it doesn't mean I don't care. In fact, the last time I had it before I realized it was missing 5 days later... I put it somewhere... "safe" when I went on a field trip. Came back and I have no idea where that "safe" place is... I didn't tell him for months... I finally told him and I felt like a jerk, but he said it was fine and dumped me shortly there after... ok, not the reason he dumped me. But here's the thing... It has been haunting me ever since I lost it... 4 months it's haunted me... Everytime I walk in my room where it should be... I think maybe this is the day I'll find it... well... since my relationship ended... it became, "maybe if I find the necklace it will still be a symbol, maybe losing the necklace was a symbol of the end... maybe if I find it the relationship can be restored..." "maybe I need to accept that they are both gone." "maybe" "what if" "Will I find it today??? Will he be back tomorrow???" It's been haunting me more and more each day... And each day I tell myself that it's just a necklace, it doesn't determine the future of your relationships. It's just a necklace. And it's gone. Well God helped me see that it wasn't just because of my commitment that I wanted a necklace. It wasn't just because I was wanting to use this as an excuse... I was obsessed with the other necklace and I needed something to help me let go of it. And maybe if I had a necklace from God it would take the place and help me let go of the past and move on with the future. But I don't need something to help me do that. I've got God and thats all that matters... Blessing #2 ~ God grants revelations <3 

Got home, had a few things in my car from my past relationship, just ended up in there and kind of became part of the car. Well they're out. I brought the shells in and put them on my "history shelf" Letters got brought in for the purpose of burning them and getting them out of my head and out of my life. I put my new pen with my other pens... realized I still had past boyfriends pen. It's a really nice pen, there's a reason I stole it and didn't give it back. "Kimmy let it go. when this is over and your other pens run out you can use it again. for now, you've got my Pen you don't need another." "But God it's such a nice pen, one of those cheap ones that comes in a pack of 20, but writes so nicely." "Kimmy, stop making excuses..." "They're not excuses... it's just a nice pen.." "Kimmy... Do you trust me???" "Yeah... I think... Ok, your right... I'm doing this your way. It's gone." I put the pen on my "history shelf" Grabbed my lighter, put it in my coat pocket with the notes, first chance I get I"ll burn them. "Ok God, we're doing this your way. Cleaning out everything. Even if I don't feel its necessary your probably right. Well... your always right... but I probably do need to just take a break even if it seems pointless. and the necklace??? Can you just help me find it today... Today while I still remember it doesn't mean anything. Just so I can put it away and not worry about it???" "Trust me" "Ok, your right... it's gone and I don't care. Ok... I care a little bit... but I shouldn't care. Cause I'm trusting you." Blessing #3 ~ God cleanses

Well... Sunday ended, Monday went through, felt pretty miserable actually... Already my focus was school not God. Already my focus was unmotivated and tired. Already I'd fallen back into life and couldn't seem to remind myself of my new commitment. "God help me, I don't know what to do..." "You've got this Kimmy, Trust Me." "Whats the point???" "Trust Me." "Ok..." Well I tried... I tried so hard. But my motivation was just slacking, I just wasn't having a great day... I think it was a good day in general... but emotionally... I felt like a failure. I felt like I was letting myself down. And worse yet... I was letting God down... Tuesday was my birthday. I have some pretty great friends I will not lie. We met up at Subway, that was my big party lol college students for the win ;) they sang to me in the store... everyone was amused... then homework, work, you know the usual... And then I got to come home to cake!!! My roommate made me a fantastic chocolate cake with a special oreo filling... delicious!!! But oh so sweet... small pieces are good, but my piece was a big super sweet piece. Well I was already silently saying "Thanks God, I needed this, everythings going to be alright, I just need to take it one day at a time and not get discouraged when I'm having a hard time" "Kimmy do you trust me?" "Yeah, I think I do. :)" Well here's the grand finale for the night... My roommates had brought in the mail, and I had a letter!!! From a dear friend. She had sent me a Christmas present and it found it's way to me for my birthday. Just in time. I opened it up to a snoopy card that sings and dances, pretty spectacular. But the best part of all... There was a necklace. "Lord.... Thanks...." "Kimmy I love you." "I know you do..." "Kimmy I'm not giving you this gift because I think you need it, I'm not giving it to you because you need a replacement for the last one. I'm not giving this to you because now you have an excuse to wear it. Kimmy I'm giving this to you, because I want you to trust me. I want you to always remember who I made you to be. You see the pendant??? I know it doesn't have a snowflake like you asked for, it's got a treble clef... Because I made you to have music in your heart. I made you to be a blessing to others. I want you to remember forever that you need to trust me. I want you to remember your creator, I want you to remember that I made you special. And I love you very much. I want you to remember me. Kimmy... do you trust me???" ".... Yes..." Blessing #4 ~ God cares. You may think things are trivial, Things may truly be ridiculous. But God cares enough to answer even stupid requests when you trust Him. Blessing #5 ~ God's timing is always the best. Had I gotten the card a week earlier, It would have just been a gift from a friend. Even sunday or monday... I would have considered it a gift from God... But it would have been an answer to a selfish prayer... Guys by waiting until tuesday for that gift to show up on my table... God helped me see how ridiculous I was. He helped me say yes, I trust you. not because of what you give me. But because I know your way is the best. On tuesday. It wasn't an answer to prayer.... It was a gift to say "I love you." 

Now I'll try to keep it brief. But today... I've been wearing the necklace. I burned the notes... Took me awhile but they're gone. Finished burning the last one while I was walking to my car after work... Finished cleaning everything out. This girl is moving on. Well I cried... all the way home I cried... So I stopped at the Outdoor Rink. One of my favourite spots and I haven't gotten to go for awhile, but my skates were in the back and nothing was stopping me... So I got out and skated for a few minutes in tears. I skated for a few minutes in prayer. I skated for a few minutes with Jesus. "Trust me" "I do..." Guys I had the best time on the ice tonight... So much so I couldn't wait to come back and blog about it... I started singing, Power of your love, Refiners fire. Change my heart oh God... All the good ones... But here's the one that stuck... 

When I hear my favorite song 

I know that we belong

You are the music in me

Yeah it's living in all of us

It's brought us here because 

You are the music in me

For those of you that don't know it as well as I do, and can't place it after reading the lyrics... It's from Highschool Musical 2. "You are the Music In Me" Because I don't believe there's such a thing as religious music, and secular music. I believe there's church music and non-church music. This song has always been one of my favourite songs about God. He made me, Me puts the music in me. When I hear my favourite songs... I know that we belong. Because He is the music in Me. Guys if we aren't singing praises 24-7 there's something wrong. I thought about it today... I'm glad He didn't send a snowflake... Yes I love snowflakes, and they always make me smile... But how much better is a musical symbol to remind me that not only does He love me, but He puts a song in my heart. That I can trust Him to write my love songs, I can trust Him to remind me who I am. I can trust Him in everything. Blessing #6 ~ He is the reason we exist. He is the reason we are. He is our reason. We need no other. 

Lord, Thanks <3