Hey guys,
So I was trying to remember if I'd posted this or not... so if I did I hope you don't mind hearing it again ;) I just didn't want to read through my last dozen posts to see if it was part of one of them.

Well here's my story for the weekend...
A couple months back at church I heard a fabulous sermon. But at the time I didn't realize quite how relevant I would soon find it to be. I'm sure we've all heard a sermon or 2 about prayer... it's importance... and how we should pray more often and more honestly. Well I've always had a pretty good prayer life. My devotional life can definitely use some work but hey we can't all be perfect ;) Even I'm still a work in progress... But prayer has been something that I've been pretty good @ being consistent about... It doesn't take any extra time... (unless you spend special prayer time, which I'm going tell you now... 1hr devoted to just praying sometimes seems like the most boring thing at first... but by the end of the hour... it's hard to let it end.) You can pray any time, anywhere, you don't need supplies, and you don't have to worry about. Prayer is about having that best friend with you... 24/7, walking beside you and sharing everything with them. But back to the sermon and it's relevance...

(Now as I continue do forgive me... I took some notes on it and I was just looking for them so I can use quotes and specific verses... but alas I do not recall where I put my notebook... )

The pastor talked about prayer and some of it's different forms. he talked about how you can stop everything and just pray... He talked about how you can pray anytime, anywhere, no matter what else you are doing during the prayer... But the part that I found most intriguing was the part about how there are times when you really just don't have the words to pray... sometimes you just can't. And yet the bible says "pray without ceasing" so if there are times that you just can't "pray" does that mean your not good enough for God? No... it doesn't. I just means that your human, sometimes we don't have the words, we just don't know what to say...

Now here's the part about me understanding the relevance. For those consistently reading my blog I'm sure you've gathered by now it's been a rough summer. This past month I've hit the point where I just don't know what to pray about anymore... Nothing turns out even when I think it's been lead by God... I can't find the good in any wrong turn... and I just don't know what I need to pray for... I mean obviously we want to pray for wisdom, strength, courage, guidance at all times... but that leads to a prayer of "Lord give me wisdom, give me strength, courage, and guidance in this rough time." hardly a prayer that lasts long enough for a prayer that doesn't cease. I can focus on what I'm thankful for, but half the time I don't even know what that is anymore, but to pray without ceasing with a broken heart and soul gets hard.. the feeling just hasn't been there. But the truth is, it doesn't have to be. You don't have to feel like praying, you don't even really have to pray...

If you make prayer less about what you have to do, or even about what he does for you, If prayer is about having a relationship, or a connection... Let your heart do the praying. I'm pretty sure the heart doesn't get every wish and dream into your head. Sometimes the brain is just a jerk and gets caught up with the facts and misses the simple truth. There's an episode of Star Trek DS9 about that... well kind of... but I thought of it while typing that so I'll explain :P
A group of genetically enhanced humans were brought together and ended up calculating the chance of success from the Dominion threat. Turns out 90 Million people will die and the Dominion will succeed in taking over anyways. So they decide it's better to surrender now, let the Dominion take over, and then let a revolution rise and take over and be free again. People will still die, but not 90Million... I think it was closer to 20Million... so significantly less... But to keep it short... They were going to unite with the Dominion and help speed up the inevitable and lead the Federation to their quick defeat. Unfortunately they couldn't even calculate the chance of 1 of their friends stopping them. It took 1 person and her faith in humanity to stop them.
The point is... Sometimes it's not about the facts and what conclusions those facts may mean. Just 1 person, 1 moment and those facts can be proved wrong. Sometimes our heads forget that... But I don't think our hearts ever do. But when our heads have lost all hope, sometimes we need to trust our hearts and realize that there's always hope... There's always a prayer to be prayed... There's always answers to be found.

So when you get stuck in a rut like I have and you just don't know what more to say... Just keep your heart open to the connection, let it do the talking for you... Anyone who's had a best friend knows... Sometimes help doesn't come from talking about anything, it's just about the connection and the company you keep in the silence.

For about a month I had a hard time praying, and it made me feel miserable... How can I call myself a Christian if I can't even pray to Christ... my best friend... But the truth is, He reminded me of that sermon, It's not about what I say, what I do... it's not even just about the incredible things He does for me even when I can't see it or understand... It's about the connection that we have. And thats a freeing realization... Cause as much as I hate to admit it... I don't have it all together, and if I held on to prayer being about something He does for me... I'd probably stop praying pretty quick. not because He stops doing things for me... but because so often... I have no idea what He's done for me, I get caught up in what I'm missing and forget to be thankful for what I have...

So I'm happy to say, at this point in time, I'm a broken and beaten individual... but I haven't been defeated... My heart's still praying, my head is starting to be thankful for the simple things again, but the connection will never be broken, and I know that more now than I did before

Skit Guys - God's Chisel Remastered

Best Video ever created. I know I post it regularly on my facebook page, but I want to share it with you guys here to. if you haven't seen it yet WATCH IT NOW!!! Watch it every month!, Week, Day... don't ever forget... God Doesn't make Junk. Therefore you cannot possibly be junk. Whenever you don't think you can possibly be good... remember again... God made you Good. be good. I know that makes it sound easier than it is... but stop trying so hard to be perfect... I know we all feel like we have to be perfect to be worth anything... but you don't. you just have to keep trusting that your worth is defined by the one who created you, not by the ones who think its necessary to compete with you.

All I Ever Have To Be - Amy Grant

The Music of choice in my life at this time... :)



https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC802E6FFCA5DA7D3







One of my favourite songs from the album

Well Summer Sales Conference II is coming, which means a commitment of 40 Demos in 2 weeks... to make matters worse, It's the first week I've had commitments not related to work... Cousin's getting married... and don't get me wrong... thats not a bad thing at all!!! I'm sooo happy for her and I'm so excited to be a part of that. Shoot... I need to work on my speech for that... (No I'm not maid of honour thank goodness... but she wants me to say something... so alas... public speaking it must be... she's lucky she's my favouritest 3rd Cousin that Lives in Calgary and teaches... ;) ) Anyways... my point is that it's going to be a busy week... getting the dress altered, rehearsal, bachelorette party, Rehearsal, Getting my speech figured out... (I'm definitely attempting to plan it this time... None of my last minute speeches turn out very good... not at weddings...), helping with my part of the decorating, the wedding, have a couple friends I want to visit since it's my 1 week off, office work free... So I'm planning those trips around demos... It's going to be a week of busyness thats for sure... The week after??? Well... I head back, do more demos for 2 days, 3 days of running training, interviews, another day or 2 dedicated to demos... and hopefully I can squeeze 40 demos into those 2 weeks around interviews, training, wedding business, and still have time to see the people I need to see.
During the next couple weeks you might get alot more posts about goals, dreams, plans, work, etc... Thats what these next 2 weeks with Vector are all about. They're about making goals, dreaming big, expecting the unexpected. It's about growing to become a better you. It's funny, they tell you to reach for the stars... but if you don't reach it, they focus on what you've learned, who you've become. Reaching for the stars isn't about catching a star... it's not about missing and hitting the moon... It's about growing, never giving up and becoming a better version of yourself.

You know writing these blogs has probably been the best thing I could have done in these past couple weeks... I've been discouraged... barely making it through. Don't get me wrong, I'm not having a mental breakdown or anything, life is still pretty decent. But I've had a terrible run of bad luck. It seems no matter what I do everything just slowly falls apart. I'm a dreamer, and I won't lie, I'm not great at being the achiever. I dream big, I just haven't figured out how to reach those dreams. My faith in my dreams is slowly fading. It feels like I move 1 step forward and 10 steps back. I've asked myself... I've asked God countless times in the past few weeks/months what I need to do... Everyone around me has a million ideas of what I need to be doing. Some of them are pretty darn good plans. But more often I find myself listening to their suggestions and asking... "is this really it..." Sometimes I feel like Pocahontas, when she's talking to her father tell her what her destiny is... The song "Just around the River Bend" resonates pretty well... should I choose the smoothest course? Just fall in line and take the first option available? For the record,  there's nothing wrong with the smoothest course... and maybe thats the path I need to take, the one that leads to patience waiting for greatness to come... But then again I've never been very skilled in settling for good... I strive for perfection and greatness... Go big or go home... Right now I seem stuck at home... cause going big just isn't working.
But here's why the blogs have been helpful to me. Hopefully you guys are learning something, hopefully I'm giving you something to think about... but it's only good if you do something about it. I know I've been learning alot. Partly through spirit of Vector, growing individuals professionally, financially, and personally.  Partly through Ramit Sethi and his words of wisdom through a few of his programs that he runs. But I think no matter how much I read, how much I learn... unless I'm doing something about it it's not going to be any use. I'm still struggling with how exactly to put it into action, but I'm doing that in a couple ways.
1. Through writing... 1 post per week was about committing to something and following through, about building skills and building myself.  I've also discovered it's helping to keep me shut out from the world. Really I've been doing pretty good with that actually, but it gives me a moment to reflect on what I'm learning, and share it with the world.
2nd, I'm doing that through beading... strange thing to put my "dreams & goals" into action I know... but it's super relaxing. I have a goal in mind, my goal is that someday I'll have enough finished projects earrings, keychains, necklaces, etc, to have a table at a farmers market and sell it. This I'm doing while I veg out and take some much needed Kimmy time. But because I have a goal in mind, it's not just wasted TV time, it's not just wasted Chill time... it's something I rather enjoy doing and it's giving me some much needed me time, while still working towards a goal of becoming a crafting extraordinaire. I also have a friend or 2 that I'm going make join me at the farmer's market... my dearest friend who's recently started beading is becoming quite stellar... honestly she's finished 3 times as many... (well... I don't know if I actually finished any more than 1... so probably alot more than 3 times...) projects as I ever did with the bead loom anyways.
3. I'm just going to keep moving... Not going very quick... I just lack the inspiration, direction, and passion to put my heart and soul into anything at the moment... It's hard knowing that when I do it all falls apart... I'm still working on momentum... but it's coming. and this push week starting on the 6th is going to be a huge test of that motivation & momentum... My goals for the push week... 40 Demos, $30,000 Honestly it's an absolutely huge goal... but here's why I chose it... the general # of demos is 40 demos for push week... that is what we encourage everyone to do. and with my coming 2 weeks... thats plenty... but the usual goal for that is $10K, so I'm tripling my sales goal and sticking with the 40 Demos... I'm going for as many demos as I can, at this point I think 40  is good... we'll see if I can raise it by the end of week 1... Cross my fingers, say a huge prayer, etc... for the Sales goal... 10K only gets me 3K in profit, and I know... 3K in 2 weeks is amazing... more than I've made all summer... but it's not something I can look at and say Yes thats what I'm going to do... but if I can say my goal is 30K, thats something I can get behind... @ 30K in sales... I hit my next 2 promotions... I'm making alot more for every sale, and the best part... I move on debt free... So is it realistic??? well... a couple reps last year sold over 20K and the record currently stands at almost 50K... Yes, the 50K record is selling a couple Cutco kitchens and alot of our biggest knife sets with alot of gadgets...  I really just don't have the contacts for that many huge sales... but if 1 rep, with 2 busy part time jobs, can still figure out a way to sell 20K, and hit almost 40 Demos... I have a pretty decent shot @ 30K, but you know what... if I don't hit that goal. hopefully I've hit my 40 Demo goal... but here's the best part... if I don't hit either of those goals... but I did the best that I can... I've still put in alot of hard work, I've failed, and I get one more chance to figure out how to pick myself up, move forward, and never give up. I've had 1 more chance to prove to myself that I'm absolutely crazy, stupid, and driven. That I believe in amazing things, and it may not serve much at hitting any goals of where I want to be... But I've made the commitment and I'm going to see it through. I'm going to keep my priorities straight, I'm going to give it all I've got. and if I fail... then I fail, and I find my next thing to work towards, and I wait for my luck to change...

So do I choose the smoothest course???
Or do I keep pushing forward finding out whats waiting for me just around the river bend???