Well Guys, I got a new website!
I was going to post a new blog tonight... but then I got distracted finishing up my new 2016 website instead :P so my new post will simply be a shout out for my new site... "www.soar4him.com" go check it out!
Keep in mind it's still under some pretty heavy construction... but do feel free to leave a comment at the bottom of the page with suggestions and comments!

"ADDICTED TO GOD: I have a radical theory that God made all humans to be addicts. That's right every one of us is an addict, and God designed us that way! That is, God wired us to be addicted to Him. And when people reject Him, they struggle in vain to fill that cavernous black hole with some other possession. Some become workaholics, some become addicted to food and suffer bulimia or obesity. others choose alcohol, drugs or cigarettes as their favorite addiction. For some it's sex or music; still other, fashion and outward appearance. They become consumed with materialism and vanity. And there are those who become addicted to other people in twisted codependent relationships. All this is done in misguided attempt to fill a void that was designed for God. Human beings were created to be filled with God's Spirit, and when God is not the center of their lives they will desperately seek to fill that vacuum with something else. God designed us to be addicted in love to Him. It is only in Him that we will find joy and satisfaction." Doug Batchelor

I think the quote speaks for itself... Are you addicted to God??? or is something else in His place???

David, the shepherd boy... He's been on my mind alot lately... The insignificant country kid who grew up to do amazing things...
A man after God's own heart...

Have you ever thought about what that means??? I have... Alot...
Now anyone who knows anything about David knows he was definitely a bit rough around the edges. Did you know He had at least 5 wives??? I always knew about 2... Heard at least 3 I think, but eventually I learned he had at least 5... He was the guy who had another man killed to save himself the trouble of telling him about getting the man's wife pregnant... Oops...

I've always seen God as my best friend... I've come to know Him as my true love and coming from that true love perspective, its kind of bugged me to know David was a man after God's own heart... Because if David had a similar heart as God... Maybe God has the same philosophy about love as David... Love whoever you want and dont worry about the effects it may have on those around...
But you know David's woman problems weren't a matter of the heart, many of his marriages were political, so you can't really be after him for that... And any that weren't political was driven by the eyes not the heart... And since we already know from Davids story that man sees what's on the outside but God looks at the heart, we should already know, that God's love affair with each and everyone of us is so much more then lust or a shallow love...

With December just past and the new year begun, we've just come out of that "season of love" where individuals couple up, and couples make deeper commitments in their relationships... Anyone left single takes some time to reevaluate what they want out of life...

Well as one of the later of those choices, I've definitely reevaluated my life without romance...

My conclusion... I have more of a love life then alot of married people these days. I am certainly not lacking in Romance... I have everything my heart desires. God is good and He's chosen me. Every morning I wake up with countless gifts showered upon me... Every night I get to go to bed knowing I'll wake up in the morning to spend another day with Him...  I know its a long distance relationship and sometimes it gets hard... But He thought His life on a cross was worth seeing me for all of eternity... No matter how long it takes to get me there.
There's nothing I want more then to see Him face to face... But until then it gives me lots of time to get to know Him...

David had alot of love to give to the world... He had a best friend who he devoted his life to. He had 5 wives who he must've spent some good quality time with, since he also had a few kids... 1 that he mourned greatly over, knowing it was his mistake that would cost his sons life... And when He mourned for his lost child... He hadnt even met the kid yet...  Of course there was Absolom who would have killed David in order to have the thrown, but because he was David's son... David sought every possible solution apart from death to bring Absolom home...
David most certainly was a man after God's own heart... Because both knew how to love... Both gave love everything they had... Heart and soul for the ones they cared about... David made alot of mistakes... And I am so glad my God is perfect in every way... He's alot smarter then David... But thankfully for us... He's No more careful about who He chooses to love... Because He loves each and every one of us, with a passion so deep, and a love so strong... That not even in death shall we part.

Hey Guys,  It's that time of year again!!!

Thats right, Christmas is over, Boxing Week sales are coming to an end, everyone is looking back at their past year, and looking forward to the next. What's your New Years Resolution this year???

Truth be told... I have absolutely no idea what my resolution was last year... o.O I even went back on this blog, (and ok I only skimmed it because I didn't want it to change my thought for tonight,) but I can't even find what I resolved to do on that... in fact I basically said I'm not making a resolution... Shows you how important resolutions are eh??? 

Well I was looking at a resolution I had made a few years back... 

"New Years Resolution" 

- Trusting Him to heal my brokenness"

I have another note next to that one from the same year around Christmas time... which basically says "Lord, Thanks. You made it happen"

It's cool finding little things like that... notes that you can go back and comment on... notes that you've made notes on... Notes that show your journey... 

I guess at this time of year it's hard to not look back at the past year... think back on memories both good and bad... try to decide if your year was a success... a failure... look back on mistakes to find out what you've learned, Look back on the journey to see how far you've come.

The cold hard truth... For me, this year was definitely closer to the failure side then the success... I look back on all my bigger choices I've made in the past 365 days and the majority of them were simply the wrong choice. I've made mistakes that I can't find good life lessons from, I lost touch with my best friend. I've burnt bridges that won't ever be rebuilt, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. But here's the lesson's that I've managed to learn.

Sometimes, people make mistakes. And sometimes, those mistakes are simply mistakes. Sometimes all you can do is let go and let God.

I've always been a firm believer that mistakes don't exist... Anytime you mess up, it helps get you one step closer to where you need to be. There's always something you learned, there's always something that can be used to make you a better person. But you know... Sometimes mistakes just happen. There's no lesson to be learned. There's no becoming a better version of you. There's just mistakes that you learn not to do again. 

God is Love, and He loves you soooooo sooooo much.... 

Guys... I honestly Can't stress this enough... I wish I had posted my conversation I had with someone a month or so ago... I mentioned earlier I lost touch with my best friend... well I guess touch isn't a great word... communication would be much better if we're being technical. This whole year just felt like such a failed year.... I did practicum which felt like I was wasting my time and theirs, I got myself into a relationship and lost 2 really good friends because I was stupid enough to believe in it, I wasted 2 months trying to be true to my word while no one else was true to theirs, got banned from entering a country, well by the end of the summer I just felt like such a failure I had absolutely no right to be talking to God, I'd made a mess of everything, and I didn't know what to believe in anymore... I guess part of it was that I felt like I had no right to talk to Him, the rest I just didn't know what to say... But you know the one thing I can look back and remember the most... aside from all the Star Trek I binge watched... was knowing that while I was drowning my failures in Star Trek... God was holding me tight just waiting till I could figure out what to say... I mentioned finding that note that showed my 2013 journey... that was the day I stopped thinking I must have lost God cause I hadn't talked to Him for so long.. it was earlier that day where I realized Him and I hadn't grown apart... because if there's one thing I've learned this year... Love is a Verb

It's something that I'd heard often... It's something that I knew... but it wasn't something that I understood... I've learned it really is just as easy to fall out of love with someone, as it is to fall in love with them. Falling in love is fun, so people just do it... all the time... cause it's exciting... Once the excitement is over it's time to move on, after all, there's plenty of fish in the sea and you can always fall in love with someone... The hard part is staying in love with someone... But the truth is, God Is Love, thats the cold hard truth guys... God can't help but fall in love with you every single minute of every single day... Way back in October 2002, I made a decision... I got baptized. On that day I vowed to love God till death do us part. For Better or for Worse... We're in this one together... And this year while I thought I had lost Him... I realized He had made the same decision... I guess the difference was that He made the decision with His death so that we would never part. Because no matter what I do, no matter how I fail... He's always there right in the middle of the mistakes. He's there when I turn on Netflix to watch Star Trek because I don't know what to say to Him... He's there on the couch with His arms around me while I eat popcorn while Q wreaks havoc with Picard, or Sisko... Repeating promise after promise... patiently waiting for me to find the words to say... Because God loves... Unconditionally, Unceasingly. Always & Forever, No If's ands or Buts. He said it, and by golly you know He meant every word...

I guess on that note... It's time for me to get some sleep...

My New Years Resolution...

To seek Perfection. 

I know I know... Kimmy you're not perfect, you don't have to be perfect, Even you make mistakes, and your allowed to make everyone... But you know what guys... This world isn't my home... and if I live by the rules of my neighbors house... how will that reflect upon my own household? My personal motto starts... "As an Ambassador of the Kingdom of Heaven..." I think it's about time I live up to that standard that I set for myself... I know I'll still make mistakes... It happens, but thats why I'm seeking perfection... heaven knows I have a long ways to go. But the Bible says Job was perfect, so it can't be impossible... besides... If the world doesn't end soon, and I don't die sooner... Maybe I can just walk there with God like Enoch. 

Heaven's song

Hey guys, so its definitely been awhile since I wrote anything... Hopefully you haven't missed me too much... But the truth is I just haven't had anything to say... I could update you on my life but that hasn't changed much...
- waitressing
- slowly paying down bills
- still banned from America
- living with family
- looking for work
- praying over my dieing car
- got my wisdom teeth pulled

Pretty well the life of any recent graduate from university these days right??? Well aside from that I just want to say I've had a pretty incredible day. :) one of those days where I have so much to say and well... I'm on a plane with strangers who are trying to sleep because from where we just took off from, its 12:20am... Yay for red eye flights to time zones ahead of us eh???

Well I started my travels @11:30am and its definitely been about 12hrs... We still have about 3hrs till landing and another 4-5hrs after that to drive... It's going to be a long day.... So why am I writing about it now saying how incredible its been??? Well let me tell you.... :)

I woke up early... Well... 8am... But considering I went to bed around 1am I'd say it's petty early... I finished packing, took a shower, have I ever mentioned I am in love with my hair??? I know I know... I'm incredibly weird... I'll be the first to admit it... Well I got to have breakfast and chat with grandpa for a few minutes... Dropped off some of my favorite movies for a friend to watch while I'm gone, stopped by grandma's work to pick up some things, ran into a friend at the gas station and started my drive to Kelowna...

I've been trying to find a place to park my car for the week while I'm gone and someone to give me a ride to the airport... Well yesterday we found someone. A lovely couple... I got to their house early and they invited me in, we visited, ate plums, I got to look at their new album of a family cruise they took for their 50th anniversary, they drove me to the airport and my Baby's fate lies in their hands as I left my jeep with them for the week... At the airport I met a lady going to Vancouver for a work conference hoping to get a promotion and move that way soon. We visited and she left. By the time my flight was ready to go I realized... I have a really long layover in Calgary... So since my cousin had texted me earlier that day I gave her a quick call and guess who I got to see at the airport! :D we didn't have alot of time since she had an appointment and then I had a flight... But we did have enough time to go through photos of her wedding that she got a couple days ago. :) yay for new pictures for my Facebook. ;)
On both my flights I've had wonderful company... We talk for awhile till the plane takes off then everyone breaks off to do their own thing... Read, sleep, journal, watch the football game, finally write the Maid of Honour speech,  etc...
For me on this 2nd flight... I'm so distracted I can't sleep... Pray for me in the morning... Mercy, it'll be a long day :P but I'm distracted because I can't stop thinking about how incredibly blessed I am...
- waitressing, and meeting a ton of cool people, networking and making money
- slowly paying down bills, and watching a steady flow of money wash through my bank account
- still banned from America, and living in the best place on earth
- living with family, and enjoying their company
- looking for work, and exploring what work to me really means
- praying over my dieing car, and being constantly reminded of my incredible network of friends and family who help me with repairs, rides and remembering all the times I have spent with them over repairs on my car
- got my wisdom teeth pulled, and being reminded that I have an incredible God... Who sometimes has to pull things out of our lives to make us better...

Today has been a day where Kimmy feels loved and so incredibly blessed... And I couldn't have imagined it getting any better when I got on this planet... But you know at some point while I was singing a song by Steve Green about Entering in & surrendering to the spirits call... Finding peace within... Inner peace is something that I haven't had alot of these days... But today... I have.. And as we started flying out of Calgary, I started journalling.. And thanking God for the life He's given me... Cause its been rough lately, but its also a reminder of how He has been able to bless me each and every day... But then we started flying over Saskatchewan... And I swear the skies started dancing with the song in my heart... The Northern lights started shining and dancing across the sky... It's the perfect end to a perfect day...

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

Hey guys, so my 1 post/week goal isn't working out so well eh? Well here's a quick update on my life since my last post ok?

Well I headed home, tired and disheartened, I have returned to Beautiful British Columbia... surrounded by the landscapes that I truly believe were kissed by God Himself... I reside with my grandparents currently. I've acquired a job waitressing at a place out here in the promised land. Keeping my eyes peeled for a job more relevant to the degree I recently graduated with. But you know I really do think God wants me where He's got me. I know many who will argue that point and thats alright, I don't mind. Honestly it's hard to trust myself and my faith when the world tells me I'm wrong... but hey, no where did God ever say the path He leads us down would be easy right? Everyone has their opinion and God's the only one who knows which one of us is right.

Anywho, one cool story we went through the other day in Sabbath School... was Esther... you all know the story right? The queen refuses to be shown off as a prized cow in front of the audience so she's banished, The king has to find a new queen so he invites all the eligible young ladies to be a part of the beauty pageant, the winner becomes his queen and then because Esther wins the title of fairest in the land she saves her people and is remembered for all eternity for her bravery...

Esther has always intrigued me... God made this woman to be incredibly beautiful, I'm sure inside and out, because He had for her a special purpose. Obviously outwardly beautiful since she captured the eyes of the king who had plenty of women to chose from...  God used that beauty to His glory... we hear so often people talk about someone's heart of gold, their kindness, their faithfulness... But how many are known for their physical beauty... Anyways I guess that was my side thought for the night, I guess I just like the idea that in a world with so many conflicting views about feminism, sexuality, appearance, etc... I like the idea that we should feel comfortable with who we are because God made us that way... beautiful or ugly... God molded our appearance just as much as He molds our heart. But I also like that we shouldn't feel ashamed of striving to be better. I mean don't focus our attention so much on our appearance that it takes away from the beauty within... but that doesn't mean we should neglect our appearance because it's the inside that counts...

But you know, Esther is such a gold mine of incredible truths. Truths we so often neglect. What do we usually learn from Esther???
- Stand for what you believe in no matter what the cost
- God puts us where He needs us though we may not always understand
Is there any other "normal" lessons that we usually hear from Esther??? Off the top of my head I'm coming up short...
But Here's a few lesson's I've gleaned from Esther this past little while...
- Keep your beliefs to yourself
- Do what it takes to be beautiful
- God leads you into controversial places

Seriously though... have you ever thought about the truths behind Esther??? Do you think Esther felt comfortable going into the kings house knowing what would happen. that she'd probably end up either concubine or wife? How about the wisdom of Mordecai to keep her heritage and beliefs a secret? It's hard to know whether Esther was scared of what would happen if she argued, or if she was so incredibly trusting of God that she followed Him places that I'm sure she thought she couldn't possibly make a difference. By the fact that she kept her heritage a secret you'd think it was fear... but by the fact that she was willing to stand before the king uninvited, it's hard to believe she was afraid of anything...

Psalm 23 if it was written by Esther

The Lord is my Chamberlain I shall not want
He maketh me to bath in rich ointments, He giveth me riches abundant.
He gives all I desire, He leadeth me in the paths of Kings for His name's sake
Yeah though I through the court room of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. thy love and thy will they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies, thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Hey guys,
So I was trying to remember if I'd posted this or not... so if I did I hope you don't mind hearing it again ;) I just didn't want to read through my last dozen posts to see if it was part of one of them.

Well here's my story for the weekend...
A couple months back at church I heard a fabulous sermon. But at the time I didn't realize quite how relevant I would soon find it to be. I'm sure we've all heard a sermon or 2 about prayer... it's importance... and how we should pray more often and more honestly. Well I've always had a pretty good prayer life. My devotional life can definitely use some work but hey we can't all be perfect ;) Even I'm still a work in progress... But prayer has been something that I've been pretty good @ being consistent about... It doesn't take any extra time... (unless you spend special prayer time, which I'm going tell you now... 1hr devoted to just praying sometimes seems like the most boring thing at first... but by the end of the hour... it's hard to let it end.) You can pray any time, anywhere, you don't need supplies, and you don't have to worry about. Prayer is about having that best friend with you... 24/7, walking beside you and sharing everything with them. But back to the sermon and it's relevance...

(Now as I continue do forgive me... I took some notes on it and I was just looking for them so I can use quotes and specific verses... but alas I do not recall where I put my notebook... )

The pastor talked about prayer and some of it's different forms. he talked about how you can stop everything and just pray... He talked about how you can pray anytime, anywhere, no matter what else you are doing during the prayer... But the part that I found most intriguing was the part about how there are times when you really just don't have the words to pray... sometimes you just can't. And yet the bible says "pray without ceasing" so if there are times that you just can't "pray" does that mean your not good enough for God? No... it doesn't. I just means that your human, sometimes we don't have the words, we just don't know what to say...

Now here's the part about me understanding the relevance. For those consistently reading my blog I'm sure you've gathered by now it's been a rough summer. This past month I've hit the point where I just don't know what to pray about anymore... Nothing turns out even when I think it's been lead by God... I can't find the good in any wrong turn... and I just don't know what I need to pray for... I mean obviously we want to pray for wisdom, strength, courage, guidance at all times... but that leads to a prayer of "Lord give me wisdom, give me strength, courage, and guidance in this rough time." hardly a prayer that lasts long enough for a prayer that doesn't cease. I can focus on what I'm thankful for, but half the time I don't even know what that is anymore, but to pray without ceasing with a broken heart and soul gets hard.. the feeling just hasn't been there. But the truth is, it doesn't have to be. You don't have to feel like praying, you don't even really have to pray...

If you make prayer less about what you have to do, or even about what he does for you, If prayer is about having a relationship, or a connection... Let your heart do the praying. I'm pretty sure the heart doesn't get every wish and dream into your head. Sometimes the brain is just a jerk and gets caught up with the facts and misses the simple truth. There's an episode of Star Trek DS9 about that... well kind of... but I thought of it while typing that so I'll explain :P
A group of genetically enhanced humans were brought together and ended up calculating the chance of success from the Dominion threat. Turns out 90 Million people will die and the Dominion will succeed in taking over anyways. So they decide it's better to surrender now, let the Dominion take over, and then let a revolution rise and take over and be free again. People will still die, but not 90Million... I think it was closer to 20Million... so significantly less... But to keep it short... They were going to unite with the Dominion and help speed up the inevitable and lead the Federation to their quick defeat. Unfortunately they couldn't even calculate the chance of 1 of their friends stopping them. It took 1 person and her faith in humanity to stop them.
The point is... Sometimes it's not about the facts and what conclusions those facts may mean. Just 1 person, 1 moment and those facts can be proved wrong. Sometimes our heads forget that... But I don't think our hearts ever do. But when our heads have lost all hope, sometimes we need to trust our hearts and realize that there's always hope... There's always a prayer to be prayed... There's always answers to be found.

So when you get stuck in a rut like I have and you just don't know what more to say... Just keep your heart open to the connection, let it do the talking for you... Anyone who's had a best friend knows... Sometimes help doesn't come from talking about anything, it's just about the connection and the company you keep in the silence.

For about a month I had a hard time praying, and it made me feel miserable... How can I call myself a Christian if I can't even pray to Christ... my best friend... But the truth is, He reminded me of that sermon, It's not about what I say, what I do... it's not even just about the incredible things He does for me even when I can't see it or understand... It's about the connection that we have. And thats a freeing realization... Cause as much as I hate to admit it... I don't have it all together, and if I held on to prayer being about something He does for me... I'd probably stop praying pretty quick. not because He stops doing things for me... but because so often... I have no idea what He's done for me, I get caught up in what I'm missing and forget to be thankful for what I have...

So I'm happy to say, at this point in time, I'm a broken and beaten individual... but I haven't been defeated... My heart's still praying, my head is starting to be thankful for the simple things again, but the connection will never be broken, and I know that more now than I did before