Today has been a pretty good day. (So I'll warn you now... This is going to be a long post!!!) Actually, this has been a pretty good week. Now let me tell you a bit about my week… So… my last post on Saturday night, I told you about my new relationship right??? Well here’s a bit of an update… Sunday, I woke up so gung ho about the whole thing that I had a mission, because I knew I was going to fail super quick. (Give me 1 day my motivation is gone, my memory of the commitment is gone, and I’ll end up making myself feel like an even bigger failure simply because I’m human and I’m weak and I’m still working on getting my priorities in order.) Anyways, I decided I wanted something to take with me, something that I could wear or have on me at all times to remind me of my commitment. Well, the only thing I could think of was a necklace. My last relationship I had a necklace, and it meant a lot. I don’t wear jewelry often but my bf had a good argument. “it’s not jewelry it’s a symbol of my feelings for you.” Haha k, so not a great argument, but I went with it. Doing long distance it was nice to have a reminder that he was still close. Well I didn’t know if I wanted Jewelry and when people asked about it to tell them it’s from my boyfriend. “O.o umm… ok???” Weirdo… Also being an SDA jewelry isn’t exactly the first gift you’d think God would give someone… it suddenly becomes an excuse to wear jewelry and that’s not what I’m looking for… But I prayed about it a lot… “God, you know what I’m looking for.” Truth is, I really did want an excuse to wear a pretty snowflake or something, but I didn’t want to admit it… Anyways, stores in town were closed… go figure… So I took a trip to the city 20 min away. I needed some adventure and a break from studying anyways, so I took the morning just me and God and my mission. Well as I drove, I prayed some more… “Ok, so I’ve got $10, I want you to find something perfect, something completely me and it’s going to be from you. And I’ll know when it’s the right thing because it’ll be perfect and under $10 ok???” “Really Kimmy???” “Yup, it’s just you and me God and I need a reminder of that, cause once this week starts you know I’m going to slack off eh???” “Do you trust me???” “Of course I do.” “Are you sure??? Why is this necklace so important to you??? You know people are going to ask about it. What are you going to tell them Kimmy???” “Umm… I’m going to tell them it’s from you…” “Will you really???” “Ok… it is going to sound pretty dumb isn’t it… Ok, and honestly… your right… a necklace probably isn’t the best option is it… Hmmm… I think it’s important to me because I want an excuse… And why not???  A necklace is a good symbol isn’t it… and it’s not something I’m going to forget about super easy, it’s kind of there, around my neck… Ok ok… What other things can I get… Any ideas???” “Trust me…” “Ok, I’m going to walk around and I’ll look… Let me know what the plan is k???”

Well I walked around the mall… I couldn’t find anything, I was starting to get a bit discouraged. Am I really doing the right thing??? Why is God making this so hard??? "God whats the plan???" "Trust me" "Can you send one in the mail??? It'll be waiting for me when I get back??? Is that the plan???" "Trust me" What could be His plan???  Hmm… a pencil. I could get a pencil. Pencil’s are what every man should propose with anyways right??? Haha good times… But seriously.  Diamonds are made from Carbon, which at one time is what pencils were made of… (long story guys, if you don’t get it… we had a long talk about this on my birthday one year…) I should get a pencil. But I don’t use pencils… I guess I could get a pen… I know it's not made of lead so that argument is invalid... but it's going to be used and isn't that the point??? Something to remind me of my commitment, something that'll be with me always??? I went to staples, and I found a pen. Guess what... there was a beautiful silver and gold one... On sale... for $9.96 :) Exactly what I wanted. I was still feeling a little discouraged, but I knew I was on the right track. Blessing #1 ~ God gives us help and lets us know when we're on the right track... AMEN!!! 

But the story doesn't end there... <3 

Driving home I thought about it more... I realized the real reason I wanted a necklace... was because of my other one... Bad news guys... I lost it... Once he came back at the end of the summer I didn't need the necklace to remind me or anyone else that I was in a relationship, I had the real thing to remind me. So the necklace got set aside. At some point... I lost it... And I felt terrible!!! Here's a symbol of our relationship and I lose it... Gone... vanished... seriously do I not care at all??? "Ok... calm down Kimmy." Just because I misplaced it doesn't mean I don't care. In fact, the last time I had it before I realized it was missing 5 days later... I put it somewhere... "safe" when I went on a field trip. Came back and I have no idea where that "safe" place is... I didn't tell him for months... I finally told him and I felt like a jerk, but he said it was fine and dumped me shortly there after... ok, not the reason he dumped me. But here's the thing... It has been haunting me ever since I lost it... 4 months it's haunted me... Everytime I walk in my room where it should be... I think maybe this is the day I'll find it... well... since my relationship ended... it became, "maybe if I find the necklace it will still be a symbol, maybe losing the necklace was a symbol of the end... maybe if I find it the relationship can be restored..." "maybe I need to accept that they are both gone." "maybe" "what if" "Will I find it today??? Will he be back tomorrow???" It's been haunting me more and more each day... And each day I tell myself that it's just a necklace, it doesn't determine the future of your relationships. It's just a necklace. And it's gone. Well God helped me see that it wasn't just because of my commitment that I wanted a necklace. It wasn't just because I was wanting to use this as an excuse... I was obsessed with the other necklace and I needed something to help me let go of it. And maybe if I had a necklace from God it would take the place and help me let go of the past and move on with the future. But I don't need something to help me do that. I've got God and thats all that matters... Blessing #2 ~ God grants revelations <3 

Got home, had a few things in my car from my past relationship, just ended up in there and kind of became part of the car. Well they're out. I brought the shells in and put them on my "history shelf" Letters got brought in for the purpose of burning them and getting them out of my head and out of my life. I put my new pen with my other pens... realized I still had past boyfriends pen. It's a really nice pen, there's a reason I stole it and didn't give it back. "Kimmy let it go. when this is over and your other pens run out you can use it again. for now, you've got my Pen you don't need another." "But God it's such a nice pen, one of those cheap ones that comes in a pack of 20, but writes so nicely." "Kimmy, stop making excuses..." "They're not excuses... it's just a nice pen.." "Kimmy... Do you trust me???" "Yeah... I think... Ok, your right... I'm doing this your way. It's gone." I put the pen on my "history shelf" Grabbed my lighter, put it in my coat pocket with the notes, first chance I get I"ll burn them. "Ok God, we're doing this your way. Cleaning out everything. Even if I don't feel its necessary your probably right. Well... your always right... but I probably do need to just take a break even if it seems pointless. and the necklace??? Can you just help me find it today... Today while I still remember it doesn't mean anything. Just so I can put it away and not worry about it???" "Trust me" "Ok, your right... it's gone and I don't care. Ok... I care a little bit... but I shouldn't care. Cause I'm trusting you." Blessing #3 ~ God cleanses

Well... Sunday ended, Monday went through, felt pretty miserable actually... Already my focus was school not God. Already my focus was unmotivated and tired. Already I'd fallen back into life and couldn't seem to remind myself of my new commitment. "God help me, I don't know what to do..." "You've got this Kimmy, Trust Me." "Whats the point???" "Trust Me." "Ok..." Well I tried... I tried so hard. But my motivation was just slacking, I just wasn't having a great day... I think it was a good day in general... but emotionally... I felt like a failure. I felt like I was letting myself down. And worse yet... I was letting God down... Tuesday was my birthday. I have some pretty great friends I will not lie. We met up at Subway, that was my big party lol college students for the win ;) they sang to me in the store... everyone was amused... then homework, work, you know the usual... And then I got to come home to cake!!! My roommate made me a fantastic chocolate cake with a special oreo filling... delicious!!! But oh so sweet... small pieces are good, but my piece was a big super sweet piece. Well I was already silently saying "Thanks God, I needed this, everythings going to be alright, I just need to take it one day at a time and not get discouraged when I'm having a hard time" "Kimmy do you trust me?" "Yeah, I think I do. :)" Well here's the grand finale for the night... My roommates had brought in the mail, and I had a letter!!! From a dear friend. She had sent me a Christmas present and it found it's way to me for my birthday. Just in time. I opened it up to a snoopy card that sings and dances, pretty spectacular. But the best part of all... There was a necklace. "Lord.... Thanks...." "Kimmy I love you." "I know you do..." "Kimmy I'm not giving you this gift because I think you need it, I'm not giving it to you because you need a replacement for the last one. I'm not giving this to you because now you have an excuse to wear it. Kimmy I'm giving this to you, because I want you to trust me. I want you to always remember who I made you to be. You see the pendant??? I know it doesn't have a snowflake like you asked for, it's got a treble clef... Because I made you to have music in your heart. I made you to be a blessing to others. I want you to remember forever that you need to trust me. I want you to remember your creator, I want you to remember that I made you special. And I love you very much. I want you to remember me. Kimmy... do you trust me???" ".... Yes..." Blessing #4 ~ God cares. You may think things are trivial, Things may truly be ridiculous. But God cares enough to answer even stupid requests when you trust Him. Blessing #5 ~ God's timing is always the best. Had I gotten the card a week earlier, It would have just been a gift from a friend. Even sunday or monday... I would have considered it a gift from God... But it would have been an answer to a selfish prayer... Guys by waiting until tuesday for that gift to show up on my table... God helped me see how ridiculous I was. He helped me say yes, I trust you. not because of what you give me. But because I know your way is the best. On tuesday. It wasn't an answer to prayer.... It was a gift to say "I love you." 

Now I'll try to keep it brief. But today... I've been wearing the necklace. I burned the notes... Took me awhile but they're gone. Finished burning the last one while I was walking to my car after work... Finished cleaning everything out. This girl is moving on. Well I cried... all the way home I cried... So I stopped at the Outdoor Rink. One of my favourite spots and I haven't gotten to go for awhile, but my skates were in the back and nothing was stopping me... So I got out and skated for a few minutes in tears. I skated for a few minutes in prayer. I skated for a few minutes with Jesus. "Trust me" "I do..." Guys I had the best time on the ice tonight... So much so I couldn't wait to come back and blog about it... I started singing, Power of your love, Refiners fire. Change my heart oh God... All the good ones... But here's the one that stuck... 

When I hear my favorite song 

I know that we belong

You are the music in me

Yeah it's living in all of us

It's brought us here because 

You are the music in me

For those of you that don't know it as well as I do, and can't place it after reading the lyrics... It's from Highschool Musical 2. "You are the Music In Me" Because I don't believe there's such a thing as religious music, and secular music. I believe there's church music and non-church music. This song has always been one of my favourite songs about God. He made me, Me puts the music in me. When I hear my favourite songs... I know that we belong. Because He is the music in Me. Guys if we aren't singing praises 24-7 there's something wrong. I thought about it today... I'm glad He didn't send a snowflake... Yes I love snowflakes, and they always make me smile... But how much better is a musical symbol to remind me that not only does He love me, but He puts a song in my heart. That I can trust Him to write my love songs, I can trust Him to remind me who I am. I can trust Him in everything. Blessing #6 ~ He is the reason we exist. He is the reason we are. He is our reason. We need no other. 

Lord, Thanks <3 

So as of Saturday January 11, 2014 I have decided to enter into a new relationship. I've got a new boyfriend guys!!! And just wait, it gets better... I wrote Him a poem awhile back...

Can't get Him off my mind.
He's all I think about...Every song I hear reminds me of Him...
He saved my life and I can never repay him...I'm in love and I don't know what to do....
♥ Jesus you are my Prince Charming ♥

I got the best Man in the whole entire Universe!!! I dare you to try and find one better ;) So, for some of you that know me, I know your probably thinking, "uh oh, she's gone off the deep end again." I guess your probably right, I have a tendency to go from 1 extreme to the other sometimes. But Him and I had a good talk tonight. I guess it started with me venting, journaling, you know how that goes. You start writing and it just keeps getting deeper, pretty soon your not just saying I'm sorry I spilt the milk, soon your realizing you also left the fridge door open, the cheese is moldy and your crying over spilt milk, pretty soon you realize everything you thought was history, is ruining your present. Well I told Him I need a boyfriend, I asked Him if He knew any good ones,  He said you've got me. I told Him yeah I know I've got you, I'm not alone, I've got my best friend on my side and everything. But I don't have someone to talk to about stuff that matters. Someone to challenge me. Someone to encourage me to be better. Someone to look forward to seeing and hearing from everyday. Someone to spend time with just the 2 of us doing something or just talking. Someone to work with. Someone to give me a hug when I'm having a rough day. You've got me. Ok, Ok, your right. I don't need someone, I've got you. The best friend a girl could ever ask for. But I can't really take you places, show you off, tell everyone that hey, I'm in a relationship with the coolest, bestest guy in the world. Why not??? Well cause it doesn't work that way. How does it not work that way??? I made that way!!! Really Kimmy??? I want to talk to you about everything. I want to tell you the truths about life. I want to challenge you to become better. To take my strengths and make them yours. To teach you, To love you. I want time with you. I want you to take me with you places. I want you to show me off. I want to be the one you come to for a hug at the end of the day. I want to be the one that solves all your problems, I want to be the one that wishes you a good morning. I want you to look forward to seeing me each day. I want to work with you. I want to be your partner. I want so much Kimmy. Can I be your coolest, bestest guy??? Well... How can you say no to that??? <3 How can you argue with that??? I told Him yes!!! 

Ok, so now you think I'm crazy, that I don't understand. That I can't shut everyone out with the excuse that I'm in a relationship with God. But here's the deal we made. 1 year. For 1 year it's going to be Him and I. Every morning I get to wake up and read a message from Him. Every day I get to learn more about Him and how we can make a life together. For 1 year I'm going to make extra time so we can grow a relationship. For 1 year I'm going to trust him with all my heart. I'm going to talk to Him, He's going to challenge me to think deeper, to think clearer. We're a team. We're going to learn all we can, and grow so much. But it won't stop there. We've made this deal for 1 year, But I expect it to last a life time. With our arrangement we've got a bit of a funny relationship really... because here's the part that some of you are probably wondering about... Is Kimmy going crazy??? Is she saying she's going to be the crazy cat lady??? The Jesus Freak??? Well... yeah, I guess I'm kind of saying that. But remember I said, "I'm going to trust Him with all my heart"??? Well that means it's His. And honestly thats the way it should be. We should all give up all claims of freedom of our heart, our soul, and our mind. But if He has it, that means Kimmy doesn't say who gets in or out. That means if He wants to give it to someone and let someone else join our relationship, thats His choice. I'm asking Him to let me have 1 year to cultivate this relationship, to build it so strong that it will last forever. That we become so set in our ways that no one can destroy the relationship no matter how hard they try. But ultimately, I'm giving it to Him. No matter what I'm in a relationship with God. Not just a best friend relationship, we're moving into a serious marriage relationship. A partnership to get us through everything. A combination of missions. Whatever happens, I'm putting Him in charge. He holds my heart. And by His grace This will be the first of many best years of my life <3 <3 <3

January 2014
A time of fresh starts and new beginnings.
A time for resolutions and better living.
A time to say hey, this is a new year, I don't have to stay where I'm at. I have the power to move forward.
We say it every year. But why don't we stick with it??? "This year I'm going to loose weight." "This year I'm going to keep the house clean." "This year I'm going to read the bible more." "This year..." "This year..." "This year... things are going to be different." We all say it. Even those skeptical and stubbornly-anti-new-years-resolution-folks, they say it to, they just won't admit it. We all have a desire to be better. We all desire to grow stronger in some way or another. None of us want to be the person that looks back on the past year and says "I am the same person I was last year." We all desire change. So why don't we change??? I think a better question to ask ourselves would be "Why do we change" What drives us to change??? Do you want to loose weight so you can look like you did way back when??? Do you want to read the Bible because it'll make you a better christian??? What is your motivation for change??? Though I'll never admit it beyond this blog, every year I've made resolutions. Even my days of being against resolutions, I've made them... But I never succeeded. Even my resolution to gain weight took about 3 years before progress was made. But why did they fail so consistently??? Why did my failures succeed in telling me that there was no point???

Personally, I think it's because we do it for the wrong reasons. We see the habits that are out there. We admire certain people because they have certain habits under control, and we say hey, This year I'm going to do this. But what we don't do is dedicate ourselves to growth. At some point we have a rough day and decide that relaxing is a priority, then the kids are having friends over so my habits can wait another day. For some, maybe they set their goals too high. They weren't realistic, they weren't practical. For others, maybe they weren't something that was important, maybe they are a quiet reserved person and their goal was to be more open. After a week of trying to step out of their comfort zone, they've realized they don't care. They are happy the way they are and their alone time is more important to them then going to watch a movie with people they may not even know well. Pretty soon all motivation is gone.

What if we stopped making goals that take miracles to achieve. What if we start making goals that are important to us. What if we focused less on what we are trying to achieve, and focus more on why we are attempting to achieve it. What if we line up our actions with our beliefs? What would happen, if rather than seeing an action and trying to believe in it, we instead took our beliefs, and based our actions upon that belief. Upon practicing what we preach. Upon giving up our hypocrisy and focusing on the reason for the season. New Years is about starting fresh and moving forward. In what way are you moving forward this year???

Tales of the Broken Hearted </3 

2 Songs have really gotten to me today... 

Supergirl - Krystal Harris 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAFHpvfFIss

I'm supergirl
And I'm here
To save the world
And I wanna know
Who's gonna save me?
I'm supergirl
And I'm here to
Save the world
And I wanna know
Why I feel so alone

Seems like a dream
But there's one thing missing
Nobody's here with me
(Here with me)
To share in all that
I've been given
I need someone
That's strong enough for me

Alone - JJ Heller

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jhBcpst6FM 

Doesn't anyone understand me

I long to be home in my Father’s arms 

Because he knows me 

All I want is a little bit of company 

All I have is a paper bag 

Full of pieces that don’t fit together 

Did they ever 

I am so alone 

Thinking over life... Thinking about how I really don't feel like I belong anywhere... What kind of a girl am I??? I'm a preppy, hippy, cowgirl... On one hand, I'm stuck in a world of people that prefer to see life as something they have to live through, And I'm not accepted by the people that believe life is something to be conquered. I live in a world where people can discover new concepts to change their life around, but I'm stuck in a world that prefers to see the life as a competition of who is the best and acts the best. I want to be me. But no one can see me. I'm too good for some, and I'm not good enough for others. I'm bored with life and tired of having to try so hard to be part of a crazy screwed up reality. I want to go home. I want to go meet up with my best friend who's going to tell me everything. Who's going to teach me what life really means. Who's not going to talk around my back and won't be straight with me. I want to go home.... I want to live free to be who God made me to be. I want to live with peace love and joy. But I want to live  where there's a new adventure and world to explore every day. I want to talk to the Creator of the universe and learn everything there is to learn. All I want is a little bit of company, to be with one who understands me. Until then I'm just going to have to continue to muddle through and hope He sends me some company soon... Someone thats strong enough for me... Cause it's going to take an incredible superman to keep up...

But guys, any of you who are reading this... remember we're not alone. No matter how much it feels like it, we're not. Sometimes we have the only company we need... We've got the only companion that is going to be a blessing and not a burden. And I know it doesn't always feel like that... believe me... I know... Sometimes it feels like no one understands, like no one cares, like no one is there... But we've got someone that understands, He cares so much that He died for our cares, and He's always there.

Lord grant me peace, I feel lost and alone, and I know I can't be the only one. Lost between worlds that create our reality. But this isn't true reality. Thank you for reminding me this isn't my home. That when my education here on Earth is over I can come join you for something better. Somewhere I belong. I love you, and I can't wait to finally feel like I belong. <3 

So I've been reading the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. Amazing Book for anyone to read truly. Well as I've been going through one of it's challenges to me, was to write down values, honestly and truly think about long term goals, what matters to me and what I want to accomplish. It also said a good way to live those goals and values, was to come up with a personal mission statement. Well here's what I've come up with. This is my current mission statement, and the roles I live in my life to help me put my mission statement into place. The roles that govern my life, and the Mission statement 

My Mission Statement
As an ambassador for the Kingdom of Heaven I accept and choose to live each day as a representative of the King through both my words and my behavior. I will never cease to strive towards becoming the best person God has crafted me to be. Through His indwelling Spirit I seek to be filled with love, respect, and integrity. I am attentive to those around me, bringing; hope to the hopeless, love to the unloved, and a challenge to those with whom I have contact to be the best they can be. 

My Roles
Christian
~ God has priority in my life
~ I seek out His will & Guidance 
~ I ask Him to shine as a light through me
~ I ask Him to shape my character to be more like Him
Individual
~ I never cease to strive to be the best I can be
~ I take care of myself in the 4 areas of life: Mind, Heart, Body, and Spirit
~ I am respectful, and expect to be respected
Daughter/Sister
~ Family is important in my life
~ I seek to show interest in being a part of my family
~ I strive to show my support and interest in their lives
Friend/Cousin
~ I seek ways to encourage growth
~ I support my companions
~ I show love and honesty and accept them always
Neighbor/Mentor
~ I ask God to shine His light through me to those with whom I have contact
~ I make an effort to be available & present when they call
Student/Worker
~ I remember to see my work as important
~ I strive to do my best
~ I take every opportunity to learn
~ I seek opportunity to strengthen my principles through hard work
~ I put meaning & intention into everything

I would strongly encourage everyone to #1. read the book!!!! but for sure, #2... Come up with a personal mission statement. There's different ways you can do it. But believe me when I say, It will change your life when you begin to center your life around the things that matter the most to you. Suggestions on writing yours??? Well ... (read the book ;) ) lol but seriously, I started with my roles. The roles I have in life. People is what matters the most to me. So I started with the roles I have based around people and wrote down a few things that I value and things that are important to me in each role. I guess you could say mine's more of a Role -> Value -> Mission Statement model. other's... start with values, if people and relationships aren't your passion the very thing that drives you... start with your values and move to how your roles and relationships can show your values.

Just as a disclaimer... when I say people are important and people drive me... I don't mean I base my life on people and their opinions of me. It's hard not to. But it needs to be focused on principles... I really don't know how to explain what I mean, which is why I suggest the book, it states it all so beautifully... But people are my outlet for my principles. But notice what comes first... My role as a christian, and as an individual are the first 2... I put them in that order on purpose. Because God is my #1. my life begins with Him, and it begins with showing the world what He has done for me, and what He can do for them. #2 is me. Body, mind and soul. I need to remember that if I am to be what I want to be to those around me, I need to be strong physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. From there I go to the rest of my roles again in order... #3 my immediate family, I'll be honest, they haven't been my #3... honestly I haven't been even #3... but I'm getting there. These are the things that are rooted as important to me. Things that I wish I could put as more reality then simply good intentions... #4 Friends/Extended family, #5 My kids(the ones that look up to me for wisdom and love)/Those around me, #6 Studies and work... Now here's the next cool thing. They are in order of importance. #1-6... But here's the deal... that doesn't mean #6 isn't important. It just means that if it violates the relationship I have with #3 something is messed up and we need to work on balancing things better... All of them are important. But #1 needs to be above and integrated into everything below. It's like a waterfall... Falling from the top to the bottom. All are important and without 1 I ultimately fail at building integrity and therefore fail at strengthening myself as #2. But Balance must be achieved so that 1 or 2 of the core values do not overcome the others and leave an imbalanced mess at the bottom... I think I may have begun rambling, so if I lost you I apologize profusely... My goal with this Blog, to inspire even just 1 person to strive to become more balanced in all areas of your life. If you aren't balanced all around, You cannot effectively achieve any goal without burning bridges. Lord, Thanks for showing me your wisdom. I ask that you would continue to help me balance my life, I won't lie, it can be kind of a mess. But I'm learning, and I'm getting there. By your grace I'm accomplishing a balance that I never dreamed possible... It's a slow process for sure, but I thank you for encouraging me, and helping me trudge on. There's a light at the end of this tunnel and it grows brighter with every new challenge. Thanks Kimmy <3

Ok... so I've been gone for a while... but at least for tonight... I'm back... Alot has happened in the past year, So here's a quick rundown since.... February....

February: Realized I really did like my best friend and I could no longer deny it...
March: Started dating my best friend. :)
April: Boyfriend had to go home for summer :(
May: Summer Classes... Survival - Lived in a stick shelter with a jug of water and a knife for 3 days... Navigation - Hiked around a mountain twice trying to find our pick up spot.
June: Practicum
July: Scotland!!!! (Purely vacational. :) )
August: Work and hanging out with my best (female) friend
September: Boyfriend came back :) School starts
October: School... Relationship... Terminated... :(
November: School...

And here I sit after another night deep in thought trying to make sense of my life... Well here's what I've come to the conclusion of...
Dating advice - Dating your best friend... best decision of your life. Definitely sucks if it doesn't work out... But so worth it while it lasts...

Dating my best friend definitely had it's downfalls... hard to get over all those beautiful girls he's been interested in for years... hard not to feel at least a bit jealous. even if your so much more awesome and so much better for him and you both know it. ;)
Ups... Easy to talk to someone you've been talking to for years already, Comfortable??? Totally, you've been so close so long it almost seems like nothings changed... only gotten better...
Downs... When it's over... He can no longer be your best friend... You gotta let go...

Reasons we broke up...
Honestly... I don't know... I've got a million theories about that but hey, he dumped me and I'm just a little bitter so whatever the reasons in my mind... they're going to be kinda skewed at this point...

Spiritual life before dating...
Pretty good
Spiritual life while dating...
Getting easier, and harder... I guess probably just different, Feels better when you've got someone who believes what you believe, helps keep you accountable and encourages you to live the way you know you should be living... But sometimes I guess harder to remember to go to God first not the boyfriend... But it was so nice to remember not to just ask for help but to be so incredibly thankful for everything in my life, boyfriend obviously, but friends, family, school, life, finance, everything...
Spiritual life after dating...
Honestly... foggy, my professor had us pic a picture from a bunch of them around the room to describe how we felt our relationship with God was... my picture was on a river, there was a small piece of land on the left side of the page with the sun shining down, in the distance behind the fog was some mountains, but it was hard to see anything beyond the small sliver of river at the bottom and the land with the sun on the left because there was so much fog... thats the picture I chose... but more on that in a bit...

Future before dating...
Set for 10 years... Pretty crazy, not living in the same place more than a couple years, but I had a plan and I was going to work to get there. It was going to be lonely and I kinda just wanted to settle down... but life's short and there's no time to settle down when things have to be done. Thats where God's leading me, but it's not completely the next 10 yrs I'd like to see, but it's pretty cool and it's going to be a wild ride and with God, it'll be awesome so bring it on!
Future while dating...
Wow... totally not going to be the next 10 yrs I was expecting... Is it really God's plan??? So many amazing options, all very similar but so many variations. I have someone to go with me, someone that has all the skills I lack, someone who's skills I can compliment, was definitely worried that I deviated from God's plan. after all, I was so incredibly sure that my last 10 yr plan was God's plan. but this new one sounds just as amazing, gets me the same goal, lets me do the same things I want to do. and frankly... Helps me get to where I'm going easier, with more organization, and in ways that I can do more than I'd ever imagined possible...
Future after dating...
I guess back to original 10 yr plan... Alone, Hectic, Crazy... Amazing??? If that's God's plan, definitely... But am I as excited now??? Nope... and truthfully... refer back to "Spiritual life after dating" for how I feel about the plan now... the future is nothing but a big lonely fog...

So I guess your probably wondering my point... Well I guess here's my point... For anyone reading this who really wants to know what I'm thinking... and for anyone who feels completely confused about their future and the rest of their life... Let me go back to that picture of the fog...

Scenario 1
The River... Life...
The Mountains... The Final Destination
The Fog... My future
The Land... My position
The Sun... God's presence.
K, so when I first saw the picture... I was like yeah, thats the one... but I didn't want to pick a dark gloomy one so I went around and looked at all the pictures... yeah, thats the only one that stuck with me... I feel like the fog has rolled in and I've got no clue about how to get through life to the future... I feel alone, I feel deserted on an island... But the great thing is... Though I can't physically give him a hug or talk to him and get a loud audible reply... God's shining his warmth into my life regardless... I may feel lost and alone... But I know He's there and He's ready to keep me company through this journey I'm on... I know He's got a plan and I'm content to just wait out the fog and see what the future holds...

Scenario 2
The River... Life
The Mountains... The Final Destination
The Fog... My Future
The Land... My starting position
The Sun... Hope & Peace
Ok... so your probably thinking... sounds pretty much the same... well here's where I throw something new into the mix... When I picked that picture... I found out that picture was taking just a month ago... It was taken on the canoeing field trip... Funny thing is... everyone else in my class was on the trip, but not me... So now for the rest of the scenario
Canoe... My Path
Person in the front... Me
Steering from the back... God
Definitely a bit different eh??? So I've been thinking a lot lately... and here's my conclusion.. When I was dating... My boyfriend was in the front of that canoe, but instead of a fog, there was endless opportunities, the sun was shining, God was steering from the back, and I was in the middle ready for any adventure we experienced, ready to do what I could to help, or to simply cheer them on... But now... he's jumped out of the boat, He's decided we're on different journey's and left God steering from the back, and me in the front... the sun has disappeared behind the fog, and instead of endless opportunities... well I guess there's just a fog that God's going to have to take us through cause I can't see my way out... It's nice to have his company, but after having a full canoe... it's feeling a little empty... All I can do is keep paddling, keep trying to do my part to get us through the fog, and realize that whether or not I have someone to help us out... God doesn't need someone else to help us out, and if He wants someone else back in there... He'll make sure he finds his way... Yes, I wish I could get the same canoe partner... maybe God just needed to send us on a detour and we'll find each other again on the other side of the fog... but I'm not going to wait for it, cause maybe it's not just a detour maybe our paths just got to cross for a few months... so right now... I'm just going to keep paddling... God knows where we're going, He knows whats beyond the fog. And I know that anything He's got up his sleeve is going to be amazing.

Lord, Thank you... 
Thank you for the opportunity to have an amazing few months, full of people who have changed my life, people who have helped me get closer to being the person I want me to be, and people who I believe have helped me become more of the person you want me to be. 
Thank you for being in the back of my canoe always, no questions asked... 
Thank you for shining your light, your warmth, and your comfort to the core of my soul so that when people ask if I'm ok... I can look at them and say honestly yes... not with pure joy, but with confusion as to how on earth you have kept me from being a complete wreck...
Thank you... For having an amazing plan around every corner. 
Thank you... That even though it comes with bumps and turns... You're helping me grow to be a better person, a better christian, and closer to the person you want me to be... 
Thank you... 
From the bottom of my broken and bruised heart... 
Thank you... 
Kimmy <3

Guys, I just want to encourage all of you reading this, Go to counseling. Like I'm not saying you're all crazy :P I'm just saying, I went in for counseling the other week and I think it was pretty good. Counseling isn't for crazy people. Thats psychiatry. (ok, also not always just crazy people, but larger problems than counseling) If you're having a hard time, I would suggest a counselor. A good one won't tell you what to do, if they do tell you what to do, you should probably find a new one. Just sayin, but a good counselor will help you find the answer in yourself. They've been trained to help you search for the truth. Warning, a super good counselor will pick up a lot of unspoken things. And you might start talking about deep issues you didn't even know you had. That's not a bad thing guys! But I need to put a disclaimer, if you're going to counseling and you feel like they ruined your life after 1 session... you need to go back!!! the first session doesn't heal, it finds problems that need to be worked on. So often, you'll leave feeling worse. But if you go back, guys you can find so much healing. anyways, thats my rant for the evening encouraging people to support my future vocation ;) God Bless